Expecting the unexpected in an unpredictable world

There’s something happening here, what it is ain’t exactly clear.

In Montreal a simple tuition protest has turned into a far bigger version of Occupy Montreal – over a much tinier issue. But the student protesters have certainly managed to Occupy TV.

Meanwhile the city’s modest annual Earth Day rally unexpectedly turned into a humongous event. It attracted 300,000 peaceful Montrealers – fed up with Canada’s environment record and Quebec’s corruption – in a Festival of Protest.

Is this the start of a Quebec spring?

It all comes just months after the NDP erupted from nowhere to overrun the province politically. Now they seem poised to obliterate the federal Liberals who ruled Canada by divine right for almost a century.

And how about last week’s Alberta election? The province’s premier unexpectedly won by a landslide – shocking the Wildrose Party, 24 pollsters and 2,400 journalists who said it couldn’t be done.

Yet Canada is just a microcosm of the whole world, which keeps seeing unexpected dramas. It started when a Tunisian fruit seller’s suicide set off the Arab spring, which now seems to be setting off an Islamist summer, spring, winter and fall.

Europe provides so many surprises nothing surprises us anymore. French President Nicolas Sarkozy looks like he‘ll get dumped from office – joining the recently dumped leaders of Spain, Greece, England, Italy, Portugal, Ireland and now Holland – in a Club of Ex’s.

Sarkozy’s best bet may be to hire Vladimir Putin to run Election Day ballot counting.

Then there’s the euro, a once high-flying currency that was expected to conquer the world. Instead it’s turning out to be more like the doomed Icelandic krona.

In the news business you’re always supposed to expect the unexpected, but what exactly is that? In order to calm your jittery nerves, here’s a guide to what not to expect in the coming few years, maybe:

As expected, French President Sarkozy will lose the upcoming run-off election.

But unexpectedly, he will run off with his recent constant companion – German President Angela Merkel – to form a romantic new European Union.

As many expect, the euro will collapse, leaving Europe’s economy in shambles. But unexpectedly, eurognations will suddenly agree to adopt another currency that’s far stronger and safer. The Canadian dollar.

That’s exactly what Iceland’s been considering since its currency collapsed. But Europe will beat Iceland to the buck. The headline will say it all: ‘EUROPE GOES LOONIE!”

As another Quebec election looms, the polls will still show all three major party leaders well below 20 per cent – in an unpopularity contest. Fed-up Quebecers will desperately seek an alternative, then make one of our province’s unexpected leaps.

We will swing en masse to a new party that’s formed at the last minute with a symbol combining the fleur de lis with a wild rose. The party’s name will be “Rose Sauvage.”

Earth’s weather will become even more unpredictable. Canadian winters will become warm and snowless, while European winters get colder – and blizzards spread from Venice to Venezuela. For millennia, a few Nordic countries unfairly bore the entire brunt of winter. But now the rest of the planet will finally get their unfair share too, in a new arrangement called climate sharing.

The federal Liberals and NDP will meet to discuss forming a single party. After they reach a tentative agreement, polls will show them poised to defeat Stephen Harper by a landslide.

But the plan will unexpectedly stumble over one small issue – the party’s new name. The Liberals will want to call it the Liberal Democrats, while the NDP will insist on the Democratic Liberals.

The Liberals will counter with the New Liberal Democrats, or simply The Niberals.

The NDP will reply with the New Lemocrats. Negotiations will break down and Stephen Harper will be re-elected at the head of the Unprogressive Conservatives.

President Obama’s recent plan to financially punish universities with very high tuitions will fail to get by Congress – despite a fresh Obama term and four years of effort. In a personal symbol of his commitment to affordable tuition, Obama will send his own children to the cheapest good university in America – Mcgill.

Finally, in the most unexpected of all world events, the Montreal Canadiens will win the 2013 Stanley Cup – by beating the Toronto Maple Leafs. Once upon a time, in a different world, that was to be expected.