Paternity test or not, son deserves mom’s love
Dear Annie: I have been married to an amazing woman for two years. I work away from home, and she manages to take care of everything and work full time.
I have a 4-year-old son with my ex. I haven’t been able to see much of him because of my schedule. Also, my ex is uncooperative. I recently found out some disturbing things about my son’s home environment, and my family has suggested I ask for full custody. The problem is that there always has been speculation about whether the boy is really my biological child. My wife says she prefers to know he’s mine before she undertakes such a huge responsibility.
But, Annie, I’m not sure I really want to know whether this is my child. I love him regardless, and if tests prove he isn’t my son, I will never see him again. Is it fair of me to ask my wife to raise the boy anyway?
Still His Dad
Dear Still: This is your son, legally if not biologically. While it is asking a lot of your wife to take on this responsibility, we hope she will do so not only for your sake, but for the boy’s. He needs a stable mother. But you should also get a paternity test. If this child is not yours, he should have his full medical history.
Dear Annie: My husband’s 35-year-old daughter, “Effie,” has a college degree, but has never held a job. My husband sends Effie most of his Social Security cheque each month and also pays her credit-card bills, which means he is now in debt to the tune of $10,000.
When Effie visits, she makes a mess of the house and is disrespectful to me. She somehow manages to take several vacations a year.
Now she wants my husband to foot the bill for an expensive wedding, and he’s agreed.
He also agreed to continue supporting her after she marries. I don’t think I can take it. My husband is entirely in her corner and believes his relationship with her is perfectly normal.
I can’t hold in this anger and disappointment much longer. I keep asking myself whether I’d be better off without him, but I don’t know the answer.
Torn in Tallahassee
Dear Torn: Many parents find it difficult to cut the financial apron strings, and divorced parents often are particularly indulgent in an attempt to compensate. This hurts the kids in the long run, creating dependence and prolonged adolescence. Nonetheless, if your husband refuses to change his tactics with Effie, there is nothing you can do about her. Counselling is often helpful, but you also might consider taking your own vacation while Effie is in your house. Email questions to anniesmailbox@comcast.net or write to: Annie’s Mailbox, c/o Creators Syndicate, 5777 W. Century Blvd., Ste. 700, Los Angeles, CA 90045. Visit www.creators.com to find out more about Annie’s Mailbox