Hoarder stepdaughter just stays in her room

Dear Annie: I have been a stepmom for seven years. My husband’s youngest is 22 and still lives with us.

“Cara” is a hoarder. Her room is full of rotting garbage, soda cans with fruit flies coming out of them and half-eaten food left on piles of dirty clothes on the floor. There are dishes in there that I haven’t seen in years. I’ve offered to help her clean up, but she doesn’t want help. She likes her room the way it is.

Cara has a part-time job and her own car. We’ve asked her to pay rent, but have yet to see any money. She obviously doesn’t help around the house. She has few friends and mostly sits in her room all day doing nothing.

Frankly, I want Cara out of here. I think my husband needs to handle this, but he won’t. He says to just keep her bedroom door closed. This is causing many arguments. I cannot tolerate the thought of bugs infesting the rest of the house. The weather is hot, and I can smell her stinking room. I’ve considered cleaning it myself, but I know it will cause a huge fight. What can I do?

Wicked Stepmom Dear Stepmom: People who hoard are emotionally attached to their “collection,” even if it includes old food and dirty dishes. These things make Cara feel safe. Unfortunately, if her hoarding isn’t addressed, it is likely to get much worse, not to mention the health hazard it presents.

Cara needs professional help, and the sooner her father realizes it the better for everyone.

The International ObsessiveCompulsive Foundation has information on hoarding, as well as referrals. Please contact them at ocfoundation.org/hoarding. Dear Annie: I recently met up with an old acquaintance and have fallen head over heels in love with him. We are both single and in our 50s. I believe he loves me, but I suspect he is impotent and too proud to admit it. I don’t ask any questions, and it makes no difference to me. I love him no matter what.

My heart breaks for him. My question is: Can a man still feel love in his heart even though he cannot perform in bed?

No Name, No State Dear No Name: Of course, but for many men, the ability to show love is tied to the intimacy of sex. Some also feel that if they cannot perform, a woman will think them less of a man. There are treatments for impotence, and if this is the problem, he can speak to his doctor. We suggest you be careful not to turn your encounters into sexually charged events, which may make him feel obligated to take things further. Let him know that you love him as he is.