The importance of family
THE FESTIVAL OF HANUKKAH is a fitting time to reflect on the diminishing role of the home in busy modern life
Hanukkah is a quintessential family festival. The kindling of the menorah, the chanting of Hanukkah songs, the Hanukkah delicacies, the dreidel: All of these are enjoyed by all members of the family, young and old.
Nothing, it appears, is closer to our hearts than home and family. Poets have rhapsodized about the home; songwriters have written endless ballads on the family. Proverbs abound on this favourite subject. Who is not familiar with “There’s no place like home” and “East and west, home is best”?
Strictly speaking, however, what is a family? It is, in effect, a community of parents and children. In truth, the family is the home, for it is the family that makes the home. A home would be just another structure if within its four walls there was missing daily communion and contact among the members of the family. It is the presence of a familial unit that turns an edifice of bricks and mortar into a vibrant domiciled abode known as home.
In Jewish tradition, the family occupied a position of primacy. Abraham, the progenitor and father of our people, was but the head of a family. The 12 tribes of Israel traced their lineage to the 12 sons of Jacob who constituted a single family conflux. In the wilderness, the Israelites were enumerated “according to their families and the house of their fathers.” An entire people grew out of a family.
A concrete and vivid example of the exalted place the family enjoyed in biblical times is an incident recorded in the book of Samuel. Saul, the first king of Israel, became jealous of young David, the popular idol of the masses. A banquet was held in the royal court. David, fearful of the king’s wrath, reasoned that he should absent himself. He induced Jonathan, his intimate friend, to make apologies for him. Jonathan informed his father, the king, that David was attending a “family offering,” or feast, and hence was obliged to stay away. This explanation was accepted as a legitimate excuse.
Consider, for a moment, the broader implication of this story. It means, in effect, that attendance at a family gathering took precedence over attendance at a royal affair. Sitting alongside members of one’s own family took priority over sitting alongside royalty. A man wore no greater crown than the crowning glory of his family.
Such was the hallowed place of the family in former days. What of our own day and age? How high is our regard for the family and for family life? There are disquieting signs that the family and family life are diminishing in importance. Vast changes are taking place, and not all are to the good. The bonds by which families in bygone years were knitted and welded together are becoming perilously loose and disjointed.
We live in a world of constant hustle and bustle. People move about at an ever-quickening pace. It is a world, as someone aptly remarked, “of five-minute breakfasts, ten-minute lunches, slot-machine coffee and lunch-counter sandwiches.” How often do fathers find themselves “too busy” night after night because of social and business pressures to be home in the evening with the family? How often are mothers “too occupied” to spend more time at home? Children are taught at an early age to eat many of their meals away from home. Consequently the home, the focal point of the family life, is becoming deserted and desolate, day (never) in and night (always) out.
This brings to mind the doleful lament of the mother in the old movie The House of Strangers. It is the story of an immigrant family that arrives penniless in North America, but in time becomes prosperous. In the process, though, the family falls apart. The mother cries plaintively, “When we were poor and lived in an attic, we were happy; we were a family. Now we live in a mansion, but it is a house of strangers.”
The crux of the problem is that family life is no longer centred on the home. Without the home, the disintegration of family life becomes inevitable. It is supremely important for the family of today to become once more home-oriented and home-centred. The word “home” contains four letters, and the last two spell the word “me.” It is as if to say that a home is never a home unless it finds me in it — not outside it. A home is never a home unless it becomes a part of me — not apart from me. A home depends upon me.
This is also implied in the biblical term “family offering.” An offering betokens a sacrifice. If families are to be woven once more into a closely knit fabric, then some sacrifice is in order. We must be prepared to extend ourselves by doing a little weaving, a little welding, a little cultivating. It will not suffice for a family to go out and have “fun” together now and then. What is needed is a family tradition, or a little bit of family religion. This can only sprout forth in our “little sanctuaries,” our very own habitations. East, west, north or south, there still is no substitute for a family in the home.
A happy Hanukkah to one and all.