Try to accept older sister as she is, faults and all

Dear Annie: I have a sister who is 10 years older. “Doris” lives in a retirement hotel, and we speak often on the phone and see each other once a month or so.

Recently, my oldest son told me he saw Doris dining in a posh restaurant. Even though I have since spoken to Doris, she never mentioned seeing my son. When I finally asked her why she hadn’t told me, she tried to make excuses that he was with business associates, but it still didn’t make sense.

I know she has kept secrets about other people, and when I’d find out from someone else, she would apologize. But why can’t she be open and trustworthy? My husband and I try to be considerate and helpful. We take her shopping, but she is always frustrated and negative. She never was a happy person to begin with, but lately she seems worse. Instead of being grateful for her good health, she complains and is inconsolable. Shall I just accept how she is and pretend all is well? I have no desire to share anything with her anymore.

—Disgruntled in Calif. Dear Disgruntled: There may be another reason why Doris neglected to mention your son’s appearance: She forgot. There seems to be no ulterior motive in keeping it a secret, so we think these things simply slide out of her head, and that’s why she doesn’t mention them. As she gets older, this is likely to happen more often. Her complaining, unfortunately, may be part of her personality. You could suggest she see her doctor for a checkup and also propose that she concentrate on the good things in her life. Please try to accept her as she is. Dear Annie: We recently hosted an early holiday, and I am still upset with the behaviour of my husband’s 42-year-old niece.

My husband has had some major medical issues. He’s doing fine with medication, but he has trouble learning new things, including how to work a complicated cellphone. His family knows all this. My husband opted for a flip phone that’s easy for him to understand and use, but it’s hardly the latest thing.

During the visit, another family member called his phone to say hello. As we passed the phone around, someone accidentally disconnected us, and we had to start over. This niece made fun of the phone in front of the entire family and seemed intent on embarrassing him. My husband is the most special person in my life, and it hurt to see this brat make fun of him. To me, this “teasing” is rude and thoughtless. How should I address her nasty comments in the future?

—Miffed Dear Miffed: You do seem a bit over-sensitive. Teasing someone about a phone is not particularly personal, and we doubt the niece connected it to your husband’s medical issues, although you obviously did. The best response to this type of thing is to laugh. If she is looking to get a rise out of you, that will put a stop to it.