Parents of autistic son need help, not judgment

Dear Annie: My husband and I have been married for 20 years. We have two boys, and the oldest is non-verbal autistic. “Austin” can write, and he wears a talking device around his neck. He likes to shop and enjoys eating different things. But it makes me sad and angry when people stare at us.

I have had strangers tell me I shouldn’t take Austin out of the house, that I’m a bad parent if I don’t do a gluten-free diet and various other pieces of unwelcome advice.

I know some people think we somehow caused this to happen, but we didn’t ask for this, and people need to realize what a miracle it is to have a child who is developmentally normal. We have one of each, and I feel blessed to say that.

Our society doesn’t offer enough support to families that are different. Our youngest son tries to make friends, and no one calls back. I have reached out to neighbours, and nothing happens. Support groups have meetings that are often held at times that don’t work for me, and worse, if you have different opinions about what causes autism, you are ignored.

I will not give up hope that things can change, because we have come so far. Thanks for letting me vent.

— Sunshine

Dear Sunshine: This must be so difficult for you. There is no excuse for people who are rude enough to criticize your parenting or have the nerve to suggest that the boy be confined to the home. Ignore them. Professionals don’t know what causes autism. Some children respond to dietary changes, but not all. And we know that many people continue to believe that autism is a result of childhood vaccines, even though the original “research” is now considered questionable at best.

We understand how much parents want to protect their children and, in some cases, are looking to place blame. If the support groups in your area are not your cup of tea, please try the Autism Society Canada (autismsocietycanada.ca).

Dear Annie: May I make another suggestion for holiday gifts for teachers? When I worked in the counselling office at a high school, my most treasured gifts were the thank-you notes written either by the parents or the students. Mugs, scented candles and school-themed note pads can pile up in the closet, but those notes I will keep forever. Knowing your efforts are appreciated is priceless.

— Mrs. G.

Dear Mrs. G: Thank you for giving our readers a gift idea that costs nothing and brings so much satisfaction. Teachers have often told us how meaningful these notes are. Please, readers, if a teacher has meant something special to you, let him or her know. It’s one of the nicest gifts you can give.