CORRUPTION IS NO LAUGHING MATTER. OK, MAYBE IT IS …

Lighten up, Montrealers. We have a lot to be proud of. For instance, the fact that Montreal is such a bilingual city. Why, in Montreal a city engineer knows how to say: “For me?” in both official languages.

In Montreal, you can rent anything — except an engineer. You have to buy those.

Yes, so many city employees have taken the stand at the Charbonneau Commission. And they are all singing like canaries.

Sometimes when people talk too much they are told to “put a sock in it.” In this case it was “put it in your sock.”

You have to hand it to that engineer. And that’s the way he got it!

He is an honest engineer. When you buy him, he stays bought. Bada bing! Bada boom! I am surprised they are so forthcoming. After all, a bribe is usually a gift with which the giver says: “Thanks.” And the receiver says: “Don’t mention it.”

Now, like the PQ, Monsieur TPS has an identity problem. Because now everybody knows who he is.

But I don’t mean to portray him as a cheap crook. No, sir. He’s not cheap at all. He has cost the taxpayers a fortune.

And his boss was all for improvements: especially the free improvements to his house.

Maybe the next time we hire an engineer to work for the city of Montreal we should hire someone who’s on the take, likes $1,000 bottles of wine, hangs around with the Mafia and goes on expensive golfing holidays in the Caribbean.

That way we won’t have to break him in.

The naïveté of some of these people is quite striking. They didn’t think they were doing anything wrong? It’s really not that hard to figure out. You can always tell you’re dealing with the Mafia by the car.

There is a hood under the hood.

There seems to be a lot of municipal crime going around these days. Montreal, Laval, Mascouche. What’s the difference between crime and city politics? In crime, you take the money and run. With city politics, you run and then take the money.

So many of our mayors are shy and retiring. The city is shy a few million and so they are retiring.

Even the mayor of Mascouche retired. And to celebrate they’re going to have a testimonial probe.

But Montreal’s city council is now starting to behave. Not so much because it sees the light but because it feels the heat.

Remember there was that report about us paying 30 per cent more for our road construction than anywhere else that they wanted to keep secret? I guess they like to stand on their records. That way no one can see them.

It is possible that this commission implies that all city politicians are suspect. At this rate when a city politician is starting a new term you are not sure where.

The way things are going with the exmayor’s party, at the next party convention a lot of the delegates will go under an assumed name tag.

Bada bing … Bada boom! I got a million of ’em!

And in the spirit of business at city hall I will admit that some of these jokes were stolen.

In crime, you take the money and run. In politics, you run, then take the money.