49ers vs. Pats a Super show
Columnist predicts San Fran, New England will win this weekend
Last weekend was spectacular, right? There was something about Peyton Manning throwing an interception, Joe Flacco throwing a touchdown and Rahim Moore acting like Jose Canseco chasing a fly ball in the sun. There remains the dim image of Colin Kaepernick running free, Tom Brady looking familiar and a berserk sky battle involving Seahawks and Falcons. That one’s a blur.
It would probably be easier to remember what was briefly believed to be as indelible a weekend as the NFL is capable of producing, but it has been an odd week. Let’s recap.
Immediately following New England’s victory over Houston, there came the Golden Globes, where Jodie Foster improbably came away as the queen of what looked like the prettiest, craziest drama club on Earth. It was announced Lance Armstrong would consider turning states’ evidence, admit to doping and would talk to Oprah. Seventeen heads were found at O’Hare Airport in Chicago, but no foul play was suspected. A University of Toronto student club announced plans to hold what it described as an “epic sex club adventure.” The repulsive concept of Sandy Hook shooting truthers became a widespread thing and was briefly pushed forward by Washington Nationals outfielder Denard Span.
Beijing’s smog registered scores well into the 700s on a scale of 1-500. The Mayor of Denver, Michael Hancock, pulled his right quadriceps while warming up to do Ray Lewis’s signature pre-game dance as part of a bet. Chip Kelly pulled an epic play-fake on the University of Oregon and ran the other way to coach the Philadelphia Eagles. Esquire’s Stephen Marche wrote a profile of actress Megan Fox that concluded with her talking about leprechauns, aliens, the Loch Ness Monster, the Bell Witch and saying “What distracts me from my reality is bigfoot. They are my celebrities.” Marche ends it by noting her son’s name is Noah and that in the Bible, “Noah and his family are the only ones who escape the general destruction of the corrupt world.”
Lance talked to Oprah and pretended to forget who he did and did not sue over the years. We’ve all been there, man. Oh, and Manti Te’o. THAT thing. In short, it feels like the world is not just going mad, but rocket ship spiloted-by-Kardashians insane.
Maybe it’s this writer’s goldfish attention span in the age of Twitter, but that weekend of incredible
A University of Toronto
student club had plans to hold what it described as an “epic sex club adventure.”
NFL games, with millions watching, feels like it happened about a decade ago.
Remember when Seattle came back from a 20-0 halftime deficit in Atlanta to take a 28-27 lead with 31 seconds left, after which the Falcons drove for a field goal, leaving Seattle just enough time to end their season with a Hail Mary intercepted in the end zone?
Anyway, we are down to quarterbacks who all looked like wizards last week. The picks San Francisco (-4) at Atlanta It may seem strange the road team is favoured by four points, since Atlanta is probably still the worst 13-3 team since the, uh, 2010 Falcons, who gave up 48 points to the visiting Packers in their lone playoff game. Last week Seattle spent a half shaking off the cobwebs of a 10 a.m. Pacific time start and outscored Atlanta 28-7 in the first 29:29 of the second half. Russell Wilson shredded the Falcons, gave them all kinds of trouble with his mobility and oh hey, look, it’s Colin Kaepernick.
Last week, Kaepernick ran for more yards than any other quarterback, to the point where you wondered whether Green Bay had bothered employing any linebackers. The Falcons allowed 4.8 yards per carry this season, which was the fourth-worst mark in the NFL. Overall, the Falcons defence allowed more yards than Kansas City, Dallas or Oakland, but managed to limit points allowed with the canny strategy of playing teams like Kansas City, Dallas and Oakland. San Francisco’s big weakness appears to be playing games in Seattle, so this should go OK.
Pick: San Francisco 23, Atlanta 20 Baltimore (+8) at New England The Patriots will be without Rob Gronkowski, after the pass-catching tight end came back and re-broke his arm on an innocuous-looking play; the Ravens will be without Rahim Moore, the Denver safety who is presumably still wandering around Denver looking for Flacco’s game-tying bomb to Jacoby Jones. The Ravens gave no indication they might be a team of destiny, dropping four of five down the stretch, but they were one of four teams to beat the Patriots this season.
Unless Bernard Pollard can find a way to re-injure Tom Brady — Pollard was the hitman who took out Brady’s knee in 2008 by sneaking onto the field with a baseball bat and a bear trap — this feels like a Patriots win. But maybe Baltimore has become this weird unkillable team, a great purple avatar of Ray Lewis dragging himself back from a torn triceps, or from being a guy who was best known as the guy whose white suit from the night of that infamous Super Bowl double-stabbing in Atlanta was never found. A white suit that night? What were the odds?
Pick: New England 30, Baltimore 24