Daughter is being brainwashed
Dear Annie: My problem is my relationship with my daughter, “Carolyn.” It started 10 years ago when she went to visit her grandparents in another state. My parents and I haven’t had a close relationship since I was in my 20s. I am now 57.
I raised Carolyn as a single parent without a dime of child support from her father. I worked 12-hour days six days a week to provide for her. When Carolyn was 6 years old, I was promoted. It required extensive travel, and I needed help from my parents. My daughter lived with them for two years, during which time they told her awful things, saying I was a terrible mom and didn’t care about her. When I began seeing a man (whom I eventually married), my parents labelled him “a monster.” He was actually wonderful. He loved Carolyn and adopted her and was the only father she ever knew.
When Carolyn went to visit my parents in her 20s, however, they convinced her that this man had mistreated her when she was little and she simply didn’t remember. But, Annie, he never did any such thing. They made it up.
Carolyn has been estranged from me for more than 10 years due to my parents’ brainwashing. How can I reconnect with my daughter?
— Help Me in Tennessee
Dear Tennessee: Your parents sound mentally unbalanced. However, if Carolyn truly believes that her stepfather abused her, you need to acknowledge this in order to deal with it. Please don’t argue with her recollections. She will think you are simply protecting your husband. Instead, suggest the two of you get family counselling because you love her and want to keep her in your life. We hope she is willing.
Dear Annie: I have a friend who does not drive and depends on friends and family members to get around. I take her shopping, to the bank, to doctor appointments. Occasionally, she gives me gas money.
The problem is, when I shop, I like to get in and get out. My friend, however, takes her time. I find this very aggravating.If I am doing, you’d thinks he would show more consideration. She also has no idea that driving has a lot of costs associated with it besides gasoline. I feel taken advantage of. Any ideas?
— Frustrated
Dear Frustrated: Many people who don’t drive cannot appreciate the cost involved in maintaining a car or the aggravation accrued when you expect someone else to cater to your schedule.
Some of this is easily fixed. When your friend asks you to take her shopping, inform her that you have exactly one hour (or whatever you can manage), and when the time is up, you will have to leave. And stick to it.
You also don’t have to say “yes” every time. Space out these favours so you are less annoyed, and you might also discover that you are happier to be in her company.
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