A Top 10 in honour of Toronto Mayor Rob Ford’s big day
With the usual nod to David Letterman, The Top 10 Reasons to Love and Adore and Be Grateful for the Decision in the Rob Ford Case Even if You Don’t Love and Adore and Aren’t Grateful for Rob Ford: 10. The sight of lawyer Clay Ruby turning his back on a television camera, a feat that previously would have been considered a physical impossibility for the un-shy and, let me be frank, unctuous defender of correct thinking and all proper causes.
But there he was, O be still my beating heart, Friday morning after the Divisional Court decision was publicly released, walking past the CP24 camera and the CP24 reporter yelling questions at him.
I feared the CP24 two would faint away in shock and alarm, but they soldiered on. 9. Blessed silence from the legion of lawyers, chief among them lead vocalist John Mascarin of Aird and Berlis, who for weeks have been flooding the airwaves with their learned opinions that Mayor Ford’s argument didn’t stand a snowball’s chance in hell of succeeding.
It appears their learned opinions were every bit as learned as was the City of Toronto solicitor’s, she who, after the original decision, stood to sombrely advise city council that it was her learned opinion that what Judge Charles Hackland surely meant in his original decision was that Mr. Ford would not be eligible to run in the next election, when- ever that was.
Days later, Judge Hackland had to clarify that he had meant nothing of the sort. 8. The Toronto Star did not get to publish Part 2 of FORD’S FALL, as the paper cheerfully called its special, stand-alone, five-page section of Nov. 27, which celebrated Mayor Ford’s ouster with barely restrained glee.
It was, as it turns out, the newspaper equivalent of the Toronto Maple Leaf fan base, with its penchant for celebrating the playoffs in September. 7. Paul Magder, the formerly famous Spadina Ave. furrier who for years fought Sunday-shopping laws, may have a chance to reclaim his crown as Toronto’s best-known Paul Magder from the terminally serious electronics technologist of the same name who was Mr. Ruby’s client.
At their victory news conference last fall, both that Magder and Ruby adopted a Sincere Look, variously lamenting the decision as “tragic” and “sad” for the city, as though they weren’t thrilled to pieces and practically blowing up with delight. That Magder also said he wanted leaders who would “work together to build a nurturing city.”
The real Paul Magder, the furrier, always spoke in plain English, and I say, bring him back to his former position of Magder dominance. 6. The amusing sight of lawyers, who are forever pronouncing upon the wisdom of judges with boot-licking smarminess, revealing themselves to be much like the rest of us normals. Turns out, in other words, they, like most people, love just the judges with whom they agree.
Ruby, for instance, said in a press release Friday that “the court has let Rob Ford off on a technicality.” Mascarin told the Star that the court was trying to find a way to save Ford’s seat. “That is what has happened in this case,” he said.
Good heavens, gentlemen: Aren’t those the sorts of sour-grapes comments — a “technicality”? — one expects from the non-lawyer rabble? 5. The kids on the Don Bosco Eagles, the high school football team the mayor coaches and loves (and charitable funds for which were at the heart of his conflict-of-interest troubles), lost the Metro Bowl the day after he got the (temporary) boot from office. So now, they too win one. 4. The fabulous juxtaposition of Ruby telling the Star on Jan. 24 that an appeal to the Supreme Court of Canada was “a huge long shot,” then announcing in his press release, issued before noon on Jan. 25, that he will be seeking leave to do just that. 3. There is one less good reason to consult George Smitherman, one of those Mayor Ford soundly defeated in the 2010 election, for comment, about anything.
With two of his three legal matters — the third is the pending result of an audit of the mayor’s campaign practices — now done, perhaps we will be spared for a time the sight of Mayor Ford attempting to be statesmanlike.
The mayor was clearly aware that the punditry and fellow councillors were clamouring for him to show humility and “reach out” so that “we can all move forward,” and all the usual blather (see “nurturing city” above, in No. 7).
Humility, however, is not the strong suit of this scrappy mayor, as was evident in his modest proclamation that his administration was doing “a great job.”
Despite describing the entire legal/court experience as “very, very humbling,” he wasn’t the slightest bit.
Rather, it appeared he had confused the term “statesmanlike” with the phrase “speaking v-e-r-y s-l-o-w-l-y.” He spoke as though he were the president of Slow Talkers of Canada, to use a phrase an old friend coined.
What Mayor Ford seemed mostly to feel was gratitude, in fact, which was nice. It would have been unbecoming of him to gloat. Mercifully, he left that to others (ahem). 1. See No. 10.