Mother insists teenage son attend religious ceremony

Dear Annie: I am 14 years old and facing a dilemma. My father isn’t particularly religious, but my mother is a strict Catholic, and my older sister and brother have been confirmed. I have another six months before I am expected to go through the process of confirmation. I do not want to do this. But as the time approaches, my mother has become increasingly forceful on the subject.

I do not share my mother’s beliefs, although I do believe in God. My father supports my choice. She continues to send me to religious classes, which I consider a waste of my time, and it results in some very awkward conversations because I find myself hiding my beliefs. When I once refused to attend the classes, my mother threatened to call my school and have me taken off of student council and the soccer team.

Her stubbornness has other causes, including pleasing family members who are deeply religious. But time is running out, and Mom has only become more aggressive. I don’t feel I can take part in such an important religious event if I am not fully committed to it. I even talked to Mom about postponing it for a few years, which would be allowed in our diocese, but she rejected that idea. How can I convince her she’s being unreasonable?

Frustrated Son Dear Frustrated: You can’t. Your mother is in panic mode, frightened for your religious future and concerned that her family will disapprove of the way she raised you. Your best bet is to talk to your priest and ask him to intervene. While he is unlikely to support your decision not to be confirmed, he may be able to convince Mom that waiting is in everyone’s best interest, and she is more apt to listen to him. Dear Annie: I am a senior citizen with an issue regarding children who use the restroom without being educated or properly trained in etiquette.

I have seen kids standing three feet from the toilet (because they are too short to use the urinal) and spraying the seat. This is not a competition to see how far away you can be and still hit the target. Some parents are concerned about germs and tell their kids not to touch the seat, so you can imagine the messes I have witnessed when using a public restroom.

I realize this is a particularly difficult issue for single mothers who can’t go into the men’s room with their sons.

T.S. Dear T.S.: We appreciate your concern and we hope parents are paying attention. However, we’re fairly certain that most parents already teach their sons how to use the toilet because they don’t want to clean up a mess at home either. Public restrooms pose difficulties because opposite-sex parents cannot supervise, and the kids can become either anxious or reckless. But not all accidents are caused by young children. Adults do their share too.