Husband’s porn viewing could be seen as cheating

Dear Annie: My husband likes to watch pornography. I don’t care to watch it myself, but if my husband asks me to join him in his viewing, I will.

Recently, I found out that my husband was watching porn on his phone at work. When I confronted him, he claimed that it was just an advertising pop-up. But I knew he was not being truthful.

I checked his phone and found that these were actual websites that you have to log onto in order to view the contents.

I don’t like him to watch porn at all, but I’d rather we watch together than know he’s accessing live webcam shows and chat rooms. I consider this to be cheating.

I have told him how it makes me feel and have asked him to stop. But he says that he’s going to continue because he enjoys it and doesn’t see anything wrong with it.

Now he erases the data from his phone so I won’t see it. After 28 years together, he is now deceiving me, and I am terribly hurt.

He doesn’t seem to care how I feel or that he is damaging the trust between us.

What did I do wrong for him to treat me this way? I have asked him to see a marriage counsellor or a sex therapist with me, but he’s not interested.

I love him, but I don’t think I can live with this kind of life. Do you think watching and chatting with a real naked woman online is cheating?

What about watching pornography behind your wife’s back? Is this normal behaviour in a marriage?

Angel in Anaheim

Dear Angel: A marriage is not healthy when one partner doesn’t care about the feelings of the other. Unlike old-fashioned pornography, the Internet provides real women, in real time, performing virtual sex acts.

This not only creates unrealistic expectations of one’s actual partner, but it can become addictive.

Your husband may not be having an affair, but he is both sexually and emotionally connected to other women, which could be considered cheating. Since your husband refuses to go for counselling, please go on your own and sort it out.

Dear Annie: My husband, “Tom,” passed away nearly three years ago. He had a lot of friends, most of whom I haven’t seen since Tom’s funeral.

Our daughter has since gotten engaged, and we are now in the process of creating the guest list. Are we obligated to invite Tom’s closest friends, even though they have made no effort to stay in touch with our family after his death?

Bitter in Vermont

Dear Bitter: Unless your daughter would like these people to be invited, you are not obligated to include those “friends” who have made no effort to stay in your life (or hers) for the past three years. Our condolences.