If man just wants to be friends, best to believe it

Dear Annie: I am 53 and am in love with a 33-year-old man. We’ve been together for three years, but the problem is that he says he just wants to be friends. I care about him a lot. I think there may be someone else, but I’m not sure.

I don’t want to lose him from my life. What should I do? Should I tell him how I feel? Should I ask him whether he’s seeing another woman? I need answers.

—Dee Dear Dee: When a man tells you he “just wants to be friends,” please believe him. He is no longer interested in you romantically. Whether or not he has someone else is irrelevant. If you want him in your life, it will have to be on his terms as a friend and nothing more. If that is not possible for you, please say goodbye altogether, no matter how difficult. Dear Annie: You have helped perpetuate an erroneous but widely held belief by printing a letter that referred to an ostrich burying its head in the sand.

The misconception exists because an ostrich sleeps with its head resting on the ground. Viewed from a distance, the head may appear to be buried, but it most definitely is not.

— La Crescenta, Calif. Dear La Crescenta: Thanks for providing an opportunity to get into an obscure but charming subject. According to the American Ostrich Association, a male ostrich will dig a hole for the nest so that predators cannot see the eggs from a distance. Male and female ostriches take turns sitting on the eggs in that lowered position and blend into the horizon. When the birds periodically turn the eggs over with their beaks, it can appear as if their heads are buried in the sand. Now we know. Dear Annie: This is in response to “Joining the Letting Go Club.” My father was Mr. Charming. What wasn’t seen was the physical, verbal and emotional abuse. He expected to continue the control even after we were grown and then with our children. I have nothing to do with him.

My in-laws are biased toward my husband’s sister. She was involved with drugs, has a criminal record and treats her parents badly. Yet they think the sun rises and sets on her. They have totally enabled her and given her money. My husband never caused them trouble, paid his own way for college and visits them regularly. They can’t seem to bother with him. He has gotten to the point where he is done with them.

We are in our mid-40s with three kids. We have a difficult time understanding today’s parenting style: the idea that their kids can do no wrong and never need be held accountable, and that kids should only do whatever makes them happy.

It’s no wonder this makes for selfish, self-centred people. These kids have trouble maintaining relationships. Once things don’t go their way, they walk.

— Another Perspective