Abusive sister- in- law is not welcome at home

Dear Annie: My wife’s sister is 21, lives with her parents and has extremely violent longlasting outbursts that culminate in her being verbally and physically abusive. “Mindy” tells everyone she is suicidal, although she has never made any attempt to harm herself. She obviously has deep psychological issues, yet absolutely refuses treatment. At our last visit, I swore to myself that neither our young son nor I would be subjected to her outbursts again.

Our son will be 2 years old soon, and we want to give him a birthday party. But if his grandparents come, it will be nearly impossible to keep Mindy from showing up. All of her behaviours will certainly occur. How do we handle family gatherings where we want my parents- in- law to come because we adore them, but we can’t tolerate Mindy?

At a Loss

Dear At a Loss: Your wife should speak to her parents and explain that Mindy is not welcome around your son because she is unable or unwilling to control her abusive behaviour. It is dangerous and frightening for a 2- year- old to be subjected to such outbursts. Mindy should be aware that she is responsible for her actions, and if she is out of control and feels suicidal, she should speak to a therapist who can help her. You cannot decide how your in- laws choose to deal with Mindy, but you can set the boundaries in your own home.

Dear Annie: My mother gave me a set of wine glasses that she received on her wedding day almost 60 years ago. When my nephew married, I gave him these glasses as a wedding gift. After six months, the marriage was dissolved, and my nephew moved back in with his parents ( my brother and his wife). At that time, I asked my nephew to be sure to get the wine glasses in the divorce because I wanted them to stay in the family. That was 10 years ago.

My nephew has since remarried. I have attended two dinners at my brother’s home where my sister- in- law served wine in these same glasses.

Did my nephew have the right to give those glasses to anyone he chose? Can I suggest that if he no longer wants them, I’d like them back so I can gift them to my niece? Or do I just forget about them?

Wine- ing in Wisconsin

Dear Wisconsin: When your mother gave you those glasses, did she put restrictions on what you could do with them? Apparently not. Yet you are doing that to your nephew. Heirloom items should stay in the family. Please make sure your brother understands that you would like them back should he ever decide to get rid of them. Please email your questions to anniesmailbox@ comcast. net, or write to: Annie’s Mailbox, c/ o Creators Syndicate, 737 3rd St., Hermosa Beach, CA 90254. Visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www. creators. com.