Counselling could help in dealings with kids

Dear Annie: I have been married 22 years. I started working when I was 14 and didn’t stop until I started having medical issues two years ago.

My husband doesn’t think it is important that our two kids, ages 20 and 21, have jobs. I have tried to help them find jobs because they won’t bother to try on their own. But they’ll stay at a job for a month or two, and then they leave. When I bring it up, my son yells at me, and my husband doesn’t care. He says at least our son attends night classes twice a week.

I am sick of the arguments about the kids not doing more around the house and not finding work. I have moved out of the house and in with a friend. Was I wrong to do this?

Expect Better

Dear Expect: If you are out of the house, no one will push those kids to find work, and your husband will be supporting everyone. Perhaps he will then realize that keeping the children dependent and childlike is not in anyone’s best interest and insist that the kids contribute somehow to the household. But it won’t solve everything.

Counselling could help both of you deal more respectfully with each other and more effectively with your kids. Even if your husband won’t go, it could help you work out better ways of negotiating.

Dear Annie: My “Uncle Lucius” is 88 and has lived in an assisted- living facility for several years. He’s not crazy about living there but recognizes that he can no longer live on his own. He also has no interest in senior activities.

When taking him to a restaurant or bringing him to my home, he often refuses to leave at the end of the evening. He has a normal appetite but spends most of the time talking instead of eating. When everyone is nearly finished, he routinely says he is too rushed, even if two hours have passed.

Uncle Lucius has become so difficult that I am reluctant to pick him up and take him places. Any suggestions?

Anonymous

Dear Anonymous: We think Uncle Lucius is lonely and uses these outings as an excuse to be the centre of attention, and he wants to prolong the experience. You are a kind soul to pick him up and have him for dinner, but we can see your patience is wearing thin.

Let him know any food he doesn’t finish at the time you are ready to leave will be put in a bag for him to take home. Then do it. You also might visit with him in his facility, asking him to show you around or perhaps visiting at a time when there is an activity you can do together that takes the same amount of time as you would have spent having dinner with him.