Living situation crucial with limited time left
Dear Annie: Two years ago, I made a big mistake. I married a widower and agreed to move into his house in a large city that is a 30-minute drive from the small town I love living in.
I now realize that I absolutely hate living in the city and, more importantly, living in the home that he and his late wife picked out and decorated together. Initially, he said I could make changes to the house, but the only changes he is willing to make involve replacing worn-out things. I thought I feel like a permanent house guest.
I love my husband, and our relationship is wonderful except for this issue. Here’s the real problem: I recently learned that I have metastatic breast cancer. I cannot bear the thought of living what’s left of my life in his house and in this city.
Three years ago, he said he’d move into a condo in five years. Last month, he said the same thing. I know he’s not ready. But he is 81, and I am 70, and it’s time to downsize. But because he’s most likely going to outlive me, I don’t feel it’s fair to ask him to move to another place when he doesn’t want to.
He owns a condo in my hometown that he rents out. I own a house that is rented out, although mine still has a small mortgage on it. I’m thinking of asking him not to renew the rental on his condo so we can stay there some of the time and in his home the rest of the time. I am so torn inside. What do you think?
T.
Dear T.: We think you have suggested an excellent compromise — live in the condo part of the time, and in his house for the rest. You also could stop renting your house and live there part of the time. Should your husband outlive you, he can move wherever he chooses. Right now, you should not be stressed about your living situation.
Dear Annie: You printed a letter from “M.W.,” who doesn’t like to travel because she suffers from motion sickness.
When I lost the sight in one eye, my ophthalmologist said I’d no longer get airsick or carsick. He said a NASA astronaut discovered that by closing one eye, the dizziness from the effects of being weightless went away. He was right. I can now fly and look out the plane window or read while riding in a car and suffer no ill effects.
I have told several people who suffer from carsickness to close one eye or wear an eye patch, and they have reported back that it worked for them. Maybe this will help others.
One Advantage
Dear Advantage: Thanks for the interesting suggestion. We hadn’t heard of this before, and we hope our readers who have this problem will try your solution.