Dwelling on hurt will only make you bitter
Dear Annie: About three years ago, I did something very stupid. I looked at a solar eclipse. I thought it would last only a minute and, not wanting to miss it, I ran outside and squinted at it through my sunglasses. I fully acknowledge that I can only blame myself for that. My vision became blurry and I had a hard time focusing. I feared that I might not recover my sight and that my centre of vision might always be skewed because I had looked directly at the sun.
Thankfully, my vision gradually recovered. But one thing about this episode has left me deeply troubled. When I thought I would be permanently blinded, I needed love and support. However, my mother quickly became convinced that I was faking it. She insisted that none of it was real, it was all in my head and I was just imagining everything.
Last week, during an eye exam, the doctor noticed a spot and diagnosed me with a textbook case of solar maculopathy. I passed this confirmation along to my mother, but even now, she won’t acknowledge how wrong, and in some ways cruel, her denial and indifference were.
In my right eye, I have a dark spot that follows wherever I look. I’ve grown used to it, but it is a constant reminder of this troubling episode. Am I wrong to continue feeling hurt? Or does this reveal something about our relationship and her moral character?
S.
Dear S.: Denial is a very powerful emotion. It allows someone like your mother to refuse to believe that you have a serious problem and what it could mean to your future. She needed comfort, too, and this is where she found it.
Is Mom’s behaviour toward you otherwise close and loving? If so, we would put this in the past. Continuing to dwell on the hurt will only make you bitter and will alienate the two of you, which we assume is not what you want.
Dear Annie: I’d like to comment further on the letter from “Shepherdsville, Ky.,” regarding poor grammar.
My pet peeves are those who say “pitcher” for “picture.” In Wisconsin, numerous individuals say “youse guys” instead of “you guys” and “liberry” for “library.” And last, but not least, it irks me when my husband and I are at a restaurant and the server asks, “What can I get for you guys?” I am not a guy.
I am far from perfect, and maybe a little picky, but I find these things very annoying.
Miss Picky in Wisconsin
Dear Wisconsin: We all deal with small, trivial irritations on a daily basis. Some people are more bothered by them than others, so we’re happy to help when you need to let off a little steam.