Hoarding couple needs help as soon as possible

Dear Annie: Our daughter and her husband are hoarders. They have two teenagers who have to climb over things to get into their beds. They will not get rid of anything because “one day, it might be valuable.” They never invite anyone into their home, which is a disaster.

We are concerned for their health, but we’re afraid that if we challenge them, we will be cut off. We are also concerned that their home is a fire risk. How can we approach this without disastrous results?

Worried Mother

Dear Mother: These types of problems are heartbreaking, because sometimes, there is little you can do. A great deal of hoarding consists of simply collecting too much (of anything), having difficulty getting rid of things and problems with organization. Many hoarders won’t admit that anything is amiss.

First, check to see if your area has a Hoarding Task Force. Then contact the International OCD Foundation (ocfoundation.org) for information. The organization also provides referrals and suggestions for talking to someone with a hoarding problem, stressing positive talk about safety without judgmental terms. Please look into it and find out how you can best approach your daughter so she receives the help she needs.

Dear Annie: I’ve been fighting a terminal illness for close to three years. I never cease to be amazed by what some “friends” say to me. Sometimes their comments seem so heartless. One friend said, “Well, least your mother isn’t living with you.” (Hers is.) Another told me, “At least you’re not going through a divorce.” (She is.) And the best one: “At least you didn’t have to watch your screaming grandkids all weekend.” (She did.)

I have been through a divorce, my mother did live with me for a while, and I can only pray I get to meet my grandchildren before my days are up.

Please share this advice with your readers: If you aren’t sure what to say to someone in my circumstances, simply say, “I’m so sorry you have to go through all of this.” I don’t need people trying to convince me that their lives are worse than mine.

Dying Too Young

Dear Too Young: Your friends, like the rest of us, see our own problems as huge hurdles, but yours puts theirs into perspective. Your friends also are trying to minimize the seriousness of your situation because that provides comfort for them, and they assume it does for you, as well. They are mistaken, but they won’t know unless you are brave enough to tell them. You shouldn’t have to spend your social encounters resenting your friends for these thoughtless comments. Explain that you’d rather talk about other things and tell them why.