Pre-teen needs time to sort out sexuality
Dear Annie:
My 12-year-old daughter confessed to me this evening that she believes she is bisexual. She was quite upset about a comment made by another girl today. I immediately comforted her and explained that I love her, no holds barred. She will always be my baby.
I know your column has recommended some websites for parents and personal support, but I am unable to recall them. I want to become more educated in order to help guide my child on how to be happy with who she is. This information will also help when she decides to tell her father and stepmother. Thank you.
Dear Love:
We commend you for being a supportive, loving parent. Please keep in mind that sexuality can be more fluid than we sometimes realize, especially for teenagers, so we hope you will continue to be supportive while your daughter sorts it out. A great website for parents is PFLAG (pflag.org). And if your daughter is being bullied because of her sexual orientation, contact the school immediately. This should not be tolerated.
Dear Annie:
I saw the letter from “Frustrated,” the nearly 90-year-old man whose wife is now in a nursing home after a stroke. He said his oldest son won’t visit and becomes angry when asked.
At first glance, a son who won’t visit his elderly mother in a nursing home would seem to lack compassion. But the frustrated father who wrote the letter conveyed an unspoken tone of disapproval by implying that the older son should feel guilty for not measuring up to the example of his supportive younger brother.
Based on the son’s reported outburst, this has likely been the pattern of a lifetime. If the father truly wants to maximize success in having his older son visit, I suggest that a sincere apology for not understanding how he previously failed to acknowledge his son’s perspective would go a long way toward achieving that.
Dear Been There:
It is a common problem between parents and children that they see the same events through very different lenses. What’s worse is when one of them tries to convince the other that their perspective is wrong. Parents want their children to love them, and children want to be loved. But a lifetime of misunderstandings and skewed perspectives can get in the way. To move past these issues, you sometimes have to be the bigger person and apologize, whether you believe it’s warranted or not. The objective is not to be “right.” It’s to have a close, loving relationship. That often takes both forgiveness and generosity of spirit. Please email your questions to anniesmailbox@comcast.net, or write to: Annie’s Mailbox, c/o Creators Syndicate, 737 3rd St., Hermosa Beach, CA 90254. Visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com.