Parents may as well accept the R-rated world

Seeing Deadpool with my 12-year-old built trust, writes Julie Anne Pattee.

In 1958, my 18-year-old father and a group of his giddy friends lined up outside a movie theatre. My father can’t remember the title of the film he was so anxious to see — only that the lineup stretched around the block. There had been rumours that one bare breast was exposed for a fraction of a second on the screen. Somehow, it had slipped past the steely eyes of censors.

When my dad was growing up, film reels were scrutinized and snipped. These days, Quebec has a liberal film ratings board, and it’s largely up to parents to decide what is appropriate viewing.

Last weekend I took my 12-year-old son to see Deadpool, the new Marvel superhero film. My decision was accompanied by endless hand-wringing.

Deadpool was rated R in the United States. In Quebec it’s rated 13+, which means kids can see it if they’re accompanied by an adult.

My son was desperate to see Deadpool. It’s no wonder: he has grown up in the age of superhero blockbusters. And Deadpool was cleverly marketed as not suitable for children — like a piece of chocolate cake sitting on a shelf that’s just a little too high to reach.

When my son came home from school Friday, the day of the film’s release, he presented his case. He told me his friends had been spending their lunch hour watching the trailer on their iPads, and that everyone was going to see the film that weekend.

I replied that I doubted anyone’s parents would let them.

“I’ve seen a lot of R-rated films at Dad’s. Once I saw an R-rated film about a lawyer and all he did was swear once. OK, and he shot someone, but it wasn’t that bad — the whole movie was about him being a lawyer.” I presented my case: “I think the gory scenes might give you nightmares. This movie is going to have sex scenes we can’t fastforward. The humour is going to be really grown-up. It will make you uncomfortable. Is this really the kind of movie you want to watch with me?”

My son looked unsure, but nodded his head.

That’s when I realized that going to the film together might be a good call. There are a lot of subjects I broach with my son that make him uncomfortable, but it’s important that we talk about them. Maybe seeing the movie could make future conversations easier.

When we walked into the theatre, I felt like we were about to walk through a dark alley in the middle of the night.

“Have you noticed that you are the only child in this theatre?” I asked my son. He nodded and looked nervous.

Deadpool was grotesque and brutal, and there was way too much adult humour. I wouldn’t take a child younger than 12 to see it. But if you’ve decided your kids are old enough to play mature video games, it isn’t a big leap.

Afterwards, my son and I agreed that we were victims of hype. We felt like we had waited in line to go on the scariest roller-coaster in the world, and had been treated to an average one.

In the end, I’m glad we went together. I left the theatre feeling relieved, like when I let my son cross the street alone for the first time. Parents of my generation are often guilty of being overprotective. Film viewing can be a form of safe risk-taking.

In my father’s era, people worried that movies would destroy children’s innocence. But no matter how much we wish it weren’t the case, contemporary culture has put this generation of children on fast-forward. Kids whose parents don’t take them to Deadpool will find a way to watch it.

After the film, I felt like my son trusted me and respected me more. As the parent of a soon-to-be adolescent, it made my day.

Julie Anne Pattee is a Montreal writer.

There are a lot of subjects I broach with my son that make him uncomfortable, but it’s important that we talk about them.