Wife must tell husband she is ready to leave

Dear Annie: After more than 30 years, my husband has turned into one disgusting human being. He retired on disability some time ago, and has slowly gone from a very intelligent man to a human cesspool.

He burps loudly and thinks his flatulence is amusing. It’s not funny to me any longer, but I don’t have the nerve to tell him that I’ve lost all respect for him. I cannot bring friends to the house because of his boorish behaviour.

I used to admire my husband. Now I wouldn’t care if something happened to him. If I had one wish, it would be not to have him in my life any longer. Do you have any suggestions? Frat Boy’s Wife

Dear Wife: If you don’t communicate clearly with your husband, he will not know how you feel. Tell him you have lost all respect for him. Insist he see his doctor to find out why he cannot control his bodily functions, since this change in his previous behaviour could indicate a small stroke or dementia. Tell him you are ready to walk out the door, because that is an easy way not to have him in your life. And if you truly mean it, you ought to do it. Otherwise, absent yourself as much as possible.

Dear Annie: I’m writing about “Crying Mother,” who wondered why her once loving daughter-in-law now seems cold and distant. I could be that daughter-in-law. It’s possible that it’s not a personal issue at all. It may be a life-stage issue.

When my children were young, I regularly saw my mother, as she provided care for them when I was at work part time. We regularly had dinners with my in-laws and visits with my parents as the kids enjoyed it and I had plenty of time.

In the past few years, I’ve gone back to work full time. My children are older and are involved with music, sports, church, scouts and other activities. I see my family twice a month and on holidays. I see my in-laws roughly the same amount. This is not distance or estrangement. It’s time management. We still make time for family, but it is definitely different than when the kids were little and had no activities. Juggling It All

Dear Juggling: You have made some excellent points. Grandparents often don’t understand (and can resent) the time kids spend in various activities and with their friends. Kids tend to become increasingly busy the older they get, and although they love their grandparents, they prefer to be with their classmates. Divorced parents often have similar issues.