Adult children keep asking mom for loans

Dear Annie: I am a divorced mother of two married children. I am now retired, but in the past, I have helped both my children with financial problems. The kids and their spouses make more money than I do. My son always yammers on about some get- richquick scheme and recently borrowed money from me. He has promised to pay me back, but as always, when the time comes, he has some excuse.

My daughter’s problem is credit cards. No matter how many times I have helped her out, she keeps going into debt. She calls me and cries and tells me her husband will divorce her if he finds out how much she owes. But I’m getting so tired of my kids borrowing from me that it’s awkward being around them.

I recently inherited a small amount of money from a brother, and I’d like to share it with my other siblings. I have given my children a little of this money, but I don’t think it’s right to give them more. I told my daughter that she needs to discuss her debt problem with her husband, and she won’t. She says she can’t afford counselling. I feel guilty that I can’t keep helping her, but I know it is just prolonging the problem. What can I do? Morose Mom

Dear Mom: You already know that the best way to help your children is to insist they stand on their own two feet. Tell both of them that any future “loans” will be strictly for medical or family emergencies. Business investments and repaying credit card debt do not qualify. Straighten your backbone and keep in mind the long- term picture. Your daughter can find free help through Debtors Anonymous ( debtorsanonymous.org).

Dear Annie: You were spot on telling “Grossed Out” to call the humane society, because his wife accumulates animals whenever she gets upset. However, you missed an important point.

This lady’s behaviour is called hoarding. It is a mental illness. He should get his wife the appropriate help, because simply getting rid of the animals will not fix the problem. Seen This Before

Dear Seen This: Several readers pointed out that the woman has a mental health problem and needs help. We completely agree and should have mentioned it. While the humane society deals with animal hoarding, here are some resources for the humans: The Anxiety Disorders Association of America ( adaa. org) and the International OCD Foundation ( iocdf.org). The National Alliance on Mental Illness ( nami. org) offers information and support for those with anxiety disorders and obsessivecompulsive issues, including hoarding.