A family grows apart

Dear Annie: I am a 75-yearold widow with three adult children. They all live within 20 miles of my house, where I live alone. We used to be very close to one another, getting together quite often. Among them I have seven adult grandchildren.

Through the years, my adult children became estranged from one another. They have separate lives and do not interact with one another. This was so gradual that I don’t even realize when it happened.

I lead my own life socially, trying to stay busy without depending on them for “entertainment.” I used to be invited to children’s birthday parties and holiday celebrations, and I used to host family parties in my own home or in restaurants. Since they never know what the others are doing, I believe they think another sibling is spending holidays with Mom, and hence, no one is. I need to plan my own “celebrations,” which amount to nothing at all.

I would like to move to a warmer climate, but when I mention it to any of them, they say they can’t believe I would want to move away from family. With my home life as such, should I move to make myself happy? Undecided

Dear Undecided: There is a saying that families are like branches on a tree. We grow in different directions, yet our roots remain the same.

Before you pack your flipflops and bathing suit for warmer climes (which you are totally entitled to do), talk to all three and find out why they aren’t talking to one another. Repair those roots. And absolutely let your children know you’ve been spending holidays alone. Once everyone is on better terms, you can move to a sunny place, with the understanding that you will come visit them and that everyone can come vacation with Mom.

Dear Annie: This is in response to “Stuck Salesman,” who would like to get his college degree but needs to continue working to support his wife and baby. You are right that night school is a great option. But what about working evenings or mornings and going to day school?

When I was 28, I decided to go to college full time while supporting a wife and two kids. Naysayers said I would be 32 by the time I graduated, which was “old.” I said “If I don’t do this, I’ll be 32 in four years anyway — without a degree.”

Yes, it was tough, but with a loving family and the support of my wife, four years later, I walked across the stage, grabbed my diploma and never looked back.

Now, 35 years later, we laugh about not having two nickels to rub together in those days. But we had love and hope, and it sounds as if that’s what Stuck Salesman has. I just want to say: Go for it. Been There