Are we a couple? Time for the ‘talk’
Dear Annie: I am in my early 30s. I’ve been seeing this guy, “James,” for a little over three months.
James and I met online. After having so many dud online dates in the past, I found James to be a pleasant surprise — cute, funny, a good listener. We clicked right away, but we also took things slowly; we didn’t have our first kiss until our fourth date. I love that he didn’t try to rush anything.
We see each other about three times a week now and are very affectionate and coupley. On days we don’t see each other, he’ll text me silly little things so I know he’s thinking of me. I really like him, and I hope this is the start of a serious long-term relationship. Unlike how I was in my 20s, I’m not looking to just date around and waste my time much these days. I don’t know whether it’s my biological clock exactly. I’m just ready to find someone I can spend my life with.
The problem is this: I still don’t know whether James and I are a couple. After all this time, we still haven’t had “the talk.” I thought he would have brought it up by now. But the uncertainty is starting to make me feel a little anxious. I really want to know where I stand. How can I get him to bring it up? (I don’t want to have to be the one to do it. I would feel weak and clingy.) Afraid of Scaring Him Off
Dear Afraid: Enough dilly-dallying. You two need to talk.
To quell some of your fears, let’s look at all the possible scenarios: 1) He thinks you’re a couple already and doesn’t think there’s any ambiguity. 2) He considers this casual and will let things between you two fade away once he meets someone else. 3) He wants to be your boyfriend but is as cripplingly shy as you are about the subject and is also writing to an advice columnist for guidance.
Now, which scenario would be made worse by talking? Answer: none of the above. Whatever he’s thinking, you’re better off knowing. All you need to do is ask. So get to it.
Dear Annie: I have read several letters in your column about older drivers and think it would be a great time to mention the AARP Smart Driver course, which is available across the country.
It includes research-based instructional classes developed to help drivers who are 50 or older improve their skills and be safer drivers. They cover age-related physical changes, rules of the road and local driving problems and traffic laws.
These classes are taught by volunteers like me, people who are willing to donate their time and feel the information in these classes is so worthwhile in keeping the roads safer for everybody in our communities.
There is even a carrot on the end of the stick: Several insurance companies will give discounts to customers who take this course, because they realize the information taught helps to reduce crash potential. You can locate a class in your area at http://www.aarp.org/driversafety. Thanks for telling folks about this option. An Arizona Volunteer