Don’t wake up too soon
“You don’t need a weatherman to know which way the wind blows,” but these days, a guide through the seemingly endless flurry of pop culture offerings is just what we need. Chris Lackner writes about what’s on the radar screen in TV, music and film for the
MOVIES
Big Release: Passengers (Dec. 22) Big Picture: Aurora (Jennifer Lawrence) and Jim (Chris Pratt) wake up 90 years too soon on a space ship built to transport over 5,000 people to a new life on a distant planet (Homestead II — which sounds like a pretty boring long-term vacation destination). Why did their hibernation pods fail? Why are they so horny? Why do all the robots on the ship act like they’re having a mental breakdown in slow motion? And what’s with all the explosions? So many questions will be answered as this sci-fi mystery unravels. In space, no one can hear you scream — conspiracy! On the positive front, Lawrence plays a futuristic journalist — offering endangered hacks everywhere hope that not only will our profession survive, but that we’ll all become far better looking.
Forecast: All aboard the Starship Avalon! This is the holiday release Santa himself might stop to catch on Christmas Eve. As for Pratt, he already leads the Guardians of the Galaxy, and he got to play with Jurassic dinosaurs. Falling in love with JLaw while travelling on a space ship and being served by a robot bartender? Pratt will fulfil all three of my lifelong dreams simultaneously. Some guys get all the breaks. TV Big Events: The Wall (Dec. 19, NBC); Trollhunters (Netflix, Dec. 23)
Big Picture: When I heard about this series, my first thought was: “Wow! Trump built IT already?” This isn’t a reality show about a ludicrous wall between North American neighbours. (But give that time). This LeBron Jamesproduced, Chris Hardwick-hosted game show features teams working together to build their cash prize as plunging green and red balls mark their progress on a 40-foot wall. Yes, it does sound like a cheese ball 1980s show. The show promises “a roller-coaster of emotions, the wall gives and the wall takes away.” They may want to trademark that phrase before the new U.S. prez takes office. (A special preview will be followed by its regular time slot debut on Jan. 3.) Meanwhile, it turns out there is a secret world beneath your feet — “a vast civilization where good trolls live and evil trolls lurk.” From the mind of Guillermo del Toro, these Trolls looks a lot like supersized Fraggles. The real adventure begins when a human boy named Jim inherits the mantle of “Trollhunter” via “the amulet of daylight,” which transforms him He-Man style into an armoured warrior. Troll voice actors include Ron Perlman (Hellboy) and Kelsey Grammer.
Forecast: Trollhunter will mark a rare family-friendly hit for del Toro, the master of macabre. I’ll cross my fingers and hope for Trollhunter, the reality show. I sense a potential new career path.
MUSIC
Best Releases of 2016: The Strumbellas (Hope); Justin Bieber (Purpose)
Big Picture: With no new albums, I turn to the ghosts of Pop Forecasts past. For starters, my favourite Canadian album of the year. It’s a tie: The Strumbellas’ Hope is aptly titled given the forgettable year we leave behind us. Canada’s best alt-country band released their most compelling, complete and enchanting effort to date. After years of ridicule in this column (and everywhere else), I am also giving Justin Bieber a bonus-points bump for Purpose, which lived up to its name. This slick R & B-infused effort finally earned him critical respect, and an adult career trajectory. (Given his momentum, in 2017, I predict Justin will discover “the amulet of daylight” and become a Trollhunter.) As for favourite overall albums, I’ll go with two oldie but goody artists. Iggy Pop reminded us why he remains one of rock’s iconic badasses while treating us for Post Pop Depression, and David Bowie’s Blackstar was a shining farewell, and the perfect sendoff from one of pop culture’s most important figures of all time.
Forecast: Bieber is in my good books and Donald Trump is president!? Up is down, and down is up. What’s next? My forecast for 2017: Kanye West and Taylor Swift will form a folk duo; Cows will jump over the moon (passing the Four Horsemen on their journey); Transformers: The Last Knight will create more brain cells than it destroys; and we’ll find out the majority of humans are unwitting stars in a Truman Show-like reality program broadcast on alien planets.