Facing a deal breaker? Find middle ground

Dear Annie: After a series of, let’s just say, not-so-nice relationships, my best friend and old college roomie set me up with a girl from his hometown named “Stephanie.” I’ve never believed in love at first sight, but this was pretty close. A year and a half later and we’re engaged. I’m excited to make Stephanie my wife.

We decided to go to a premarriage retreat through our church where the leaders ask you all sorts of questions. We were compatible on all the major answers — except for one: How many children?

I wrote that one or two would be nice; she wrote five! She explained how she came from a small family and always dreamed of having a bigger family. Well, I came from a large family and I have always wanted to have just one child — two at the most. Is this a deal breaker? Apprehensive

Dear Apprehensive: Only you can determine what your own personal deal breakers are. But if you’re at all willing to consider having more children, perhaps you and Stephanie could meet right in the middle and settle on having three. And if you can reach such an important agreement, you and Stephanie have the stuff of a strong partnership. Two hearts and minds working together are better than one.

Dear Annie: I’m writing in response to the letter from “Feeling So Bad,” who wrote about the death of her friend “Marie.” She was angry that Marie’s husband, “Bill,” didn’t provide updates about Marie’s health or inform neighbours of her death.

I am sorry that “Feeling So Bad” lost her friend, but from her letter, it appears that her only contact with Marie or Bill was by phone. I guess she never took over a casserole that Bill could have heated up for dinner or stopped by and offered to stay with Marie so that Bill could get out of the house to give him some relief from the constant and often overwhelming needs of his wife. I feel sorry that “Feeling So Bad” was upset not to get a notice. I expect that Bill, as I did after my husband died of Alzheimer’s disease, slept for 24 hours. When my husband died, I didn’t care about getting out “notices” to so-called friends. I did call those I knew cared.

Voicing a Sad Experience

Dear Voicing: I’m sorry for the loss of your husband. And your letter is a good reminder that it’s important to reach out to friends and family who are grieving. However, it seems you’re still holding on to a lot of anger toward people who weren’t there for you. For your own sake, I would encourage you to try to forgive them.