Family should agree to disagree on politics

Dear Annie: We have a situation in our family, and it may be a problem in other families. Maybe you have an answer to help us all.

I voted my conscience in the most recent presidential election, but I feel I am being punished by my daughter and her family, who didn’t agree with me. She had an exceptional education, which I believe should have included consideration of others’ opinions.

Not too much has been said directly. Indeed, I have told her that I will not argue with her and that I hope we can “agree to disagree.”

I am afraid her lack of respect for my opinion will cause lasting damage to my relationship with my grandchildren. I love them all so much and am not sure what to do. Do you have any suggestions? Must Be Anon.

Dear Must: Your daughter is still speaking to you, and she isn’t broaching the subject of politics. To me, that sounds an awful lot like agreeing to disagree. So I’m not sure where your uneasiness is coming from here. Perhaps you feel that she’s silently judging you for your beliefs. She’s probably not, but even if she is, so what? She still loves you. Parents and children need not share the same voting record to share the same values. Focus on fertilizing the common ground between you two. Let her know how much she and your grandchildren mean to you. With love and time, any coldness will thaw. Dear Annie: I’d like to offer one more suggestion to the letter from Sad Nana With So Much to Be Thankful For, who wrote to express the things she’d like her adult children to do while she’s taking care of her terminally ill husband.

Please, everyone when you see someone who is serving as a caregiver, ask how he or she is doing, as opposed to asking about the person who is under care. This makes the caregiver feel acknowledged, allows the caregiver to give an update on the ill person’s status if he or she wishes, avoids an uncomfortable response if the ill person is dying, and is a caring way to express concern for the ill person and the whole family. Terminal illness drains everyone, and inquiries about how the ill person is when there is no possibility of change are hard blows to the heart.

Yes, “John,” the loved one I’m caring for, is dying. I’m trying to keep myself together for him. I’m dealing with my future loss and problems with finances, self-care and discouragement. Bring some cheer to my life; ask how I’m doing. Aurora

Dear Aurora: What a valuable insight. Thank you for reminding us of the importance of caring for the caregivers.