OH, THE THINGS I COULD DISCUSS THIS WEEK

Nothing worth mentioning is happening in the world of sports right now — or is it?

Sorry, folks, there will be no Jack Todd column today. I had planned to write about the Sunday night game between the Canadiens and the Chicago Blackhawks, but with a tight deadline because of the municipal elections, it wasn’t possible.

In any case, there isn’t much going on in the world of sports that I really want to write about.

Of course, I could write about Hockey Night in Canada suggesting that Carey Price might be traded or that Price wants out four months after signing an eight-year, $84-million contract extension, as irresponsible a bit of commentary as I have ever heard. Except, possibly, for the bit where Michel Bergeron told us the same night Price receives unfair special treatment for the Canadiens.

But I’m not going to write about all that.

I could write about the guts of Brendan Gallagher and Andrew Shaw, a couple of undersized power forwards who will drive the net on absolutely anyone, go into those dirty areas and take the sticks and elbows and knees from defenders who outweigh them by 50 pounds each just to get a sniff of the goal. Two players who can rev up a slumping team facing a hopeless deficit (as Gallagher did in Minnesota) or lead a come-from-behind charge as both did in Winnipeg.

I could write about Gallagher and Shaw and Max Pacioretty, the captain, the one who simply will not go to those dirty places. How Pacioretty with his size and strength hovers on the fringe of things until you throw up your hands in frustration — then when you have almost given up, he will score the winning goal for you and force you to admit there’s a reason why snipers are so valuable in this little game.

But I’m not going to write about that.

I could write about the Canadiens and how badly they have managed Price’s injuries in the past. Not the medical part of it, because we’re told nothing, so it’s impossible to judge, but the task of informing the fans, the people who ultimately pay the freight, as to what is really going on with the club’s most valuable asset.

I could mention that, like everyone else, I had a sense of déjà vu all over again when Price was scratched with his latest injury, flashing back a couple of seasons. I might say that I hope this time the organization will be fair and open and acknowledge that there is legitimate interest in Price’s health and that there is no point in hiding the truth.

But I’m not going to write about that.

I could discuss the pathetic Alouettes, a team that was so very good for so long and has now gone so very bad. My trusty sidekick Zeke Herbowsky, who had to suffer through this season with the worst edition of the Als in memory, says the team shouldn’t throw Kavis Reed under the bus — but when you’re both the GM and the coach of a team that managed to lose 11 straight games, you have to go.

The Alouettes lost every road game this season and they collapsed on both sides of the ball after Reed jettisoned the superb defensive coordinator Noel Thorpe. Reed’s off-season moves, like acquiring Darian Durant and Ernest Jackson and cutting ties with Bear Woods and S.J. Greene, were catastrophic. The Als were on a downward trajectory for five years under Jim Popp, but the only place Reed has the advantage over Popp is that he has a better haircut.

If my great and good friend Bob Wetenhall doesn’t clean house from top to bottom and hit the reset button on this mess, I can’t think of a single good reason anyone would want to buy a ticket to see what this 3-15 team is going to do in 2018.

But I won’t write about the Alouettes, either.

I might say that Georges StPierre is far too classy for Dana White and the filthy sport of UFC and that GSP is both a great champion and a great person. Or I could write about Patrice Bernier of the Impact, another classy athlete who has reached the end of a career, a player who has done as much as anyone to build soccer in this city.

But I’m not going to write about St-Pierre and Bernier, either.

I might have written about that crazy football game Saturday afternoon, the Oklahoma Sooners against the Oklahoma State Cowboys. The Sooners won, 62-52, and the two teams put up 1,437 yards in total offence — or more than the Alouettes offence produced all season.

But I won’t write about NCAA football, either.

Finally, I might say how much I hope Valérie Plante upsets Denis Coderre in the election. If she wins, the first item of business for this columnist will be to urge her to find a sensible way to bring the Expos back.

But I can’t write about an election without knowing the result. So, no column this week, folks. See you next week with the usual lies, rumours &&&& vicious innuendo.

I could write about the Canadiens and how badly they have managed Price’s injuries in the past.