Creative solutions for the contentious Mount Royal issue
Want to limit traffic without shutting roads down? Try these quirky ideas on for size
Thank you readers, for a virtual mountain of mail.
Since my last column, you’ve inundated me with suggestions on how to protect Mount Royal from traffic without entirely eliminating our stunning overthe-mountain drive.
Many of you angrily attacked the city for being “close-minded,” “anti-car” and “amateurish.”
A number of you also angrily attacked me for being “closeminded,” “entitled” and a “spoiled … racetrack-loving, environment-hating ” lobbyist for General Motors.
My mail is typical of the passionate cleavage in Montreal since city hall’s unexpected announcement regarding Mount Royal divided us.
An online petition against their plan has gathered more than 22,000 names, while one supporting it has more than 5,000. It feels like a giant, exciting, citywide consultation, only no one at city hall is listening.
Your letters propose all kinds of novel “pilot projects” to protect cyclists and discourage hurried cowboy commuters.
You suggest adding speed bumps, humps and complex lane-switching schemes for cars and bikes I’d need a degree in traffic management to understand.
You propose banning through traffic at rush hour, car-free Sundays and making the whole road a car pool lane so motorists can’t drive over it alone.
Many writers want to redesign the road as a slow, curving, scenic drive — as proposed by Les Amis de Montagne.
Your letters have inspired me to dream up my own bold pilot projects to tame mountain traffic — without losing a gorgeous drive many Montrealers adore.
Here are some “Made-in-Montreal” traffic-calming solutions: Park-ify Mount Royal: We could severely slow down mountain traffic by posting baffling Montreal “no parking ”-style signs all along the road.
“No through traffic 8h-11h, or 15h-18h, Mon., Wed., Fri. or Tues., Thurs., Sat., Sun. — except Easter Sundays, Ash Wednesdays, Mayday, Valentine’s Day at the Lookout — and every second Saturday and Monday during Leap Years. Resident through-permits for squirrels and raccoons only!”
As with our city’s no-parking signs, reading these would force people to slow down so much no one would ever speed over the mountain again.
A Cone-ifer Forest: This borrows another famed Montreal traffic-slowing technique. Let’s install thousands of orange cones on the mountain road, reducing traffic to such a crawl that only those who truly savour the scenic ride would take it.
As shortcuts go, it would be slower than the Turcot Interchange at rush hour, a route only Mr. Turcot’s mother could love.
A Hole-y Mountain: The city plans to close an 800-metre stretch of the road between Beaver Lake and Smith House — forcing many to schlep family gear and barbecues a long way. Instead, why not leave it open and use another classic Montreal traffic-calming safety method: Don’t fix the potholes.
They’d gradually get bigger and deeper like they are now on Décarie near Van Horne, which looks like it’s been carpetbombed by military jets.
We could even install new potholes: immense, deep, challenging ones. Motorists would have to pick their way through them so carefully, they couldn’t move faster than a speeding pedestrian.
In keeping with ex-mayor Denis Coderre’s “artistic” granite tree stumps, these new potholes could be beautiful, too, at under $100,000 each.
A De-congestion Tax: We’ve talked much about imposing a Montreal congestion tax to discourage suburban commuters from aggravating downtown traffic. But now that Mount Royal is city hall’s main traffic preoccupation, why not have a mountain congestion tax?
Every car that drives over Mount Royal would be electronically billed a $3 fee. This could become even more effective by adding a real toll booth, near Beaver Lake.
It would be manned by tough U.S. border-style guards, who ensure drivers are using the through-road to appreciate nature — not save a few minutes.
Grizzled Guard: “Purpose of your visit over Mount Royal, sir: business or pleasure?” Young Driver: “Uh, sightseeing!” Guard: “I’ll repeat my question, sir: What is the exact nature of your visit? Nature ... or not? Under bylaw MR 33 0057393, It’s forbidden to use this road as a shortcut. Is this a business or pleasure trip, sir?”
Driver: “Actually, I just wanna catch the view from the Eastern car lookout and umm … neck with my girlfriend here. Dr. Penfield Ave. and Sherbrooke St. are both closed for construction — and we don’t have much time because I have to get my father’s car back for 11 p.m. We don’t have anywhere else to go.”
Guard: “No problem, sir — that definitely qualifies as pleasure! Through passage over the mountain granted. Enjoy your sightseeing — that’ll be $3 each.”
These are just my back-of-thehand ideas: imagine if we had a city-wide consultation like Projet Montréal often demanded from Coderre.
We’d get thousands of real suggestions for how to protect Mount Royal without necessarily closing off the road — or dividing Montrealers over a precious jewel that should bring us all together.
So keep those cards and letters coming to me — and especially to city hall. Who knows? if enough people speak, they might eventually hear us.
Your letters propose all kinds of novel ‘pilot projects’ to protect cyclists and discourage hurried cowboy commuters.