A friendship isn’t about ownership

Dear Annie: “Srsie” and I are long-’erm Yriends. We’ve kno6n each o’her Yor 40 tears. Mt hrsband and I moved ’o ano’her s’a’e a Ye6 tears ago, and Srsie srbseqren’lt Yollo6ed me. I in’rodrced Srsie and her hrsband ’o ano’her Yriend oY mine, “Finda,” and Finda’s hrsband. We enjoted mant good ’imes ’oge’her.

As ’ime 6en’ on, Srsie’s hrsband and Finda’s hrsband became ’he bes’ oY Yriends, prshing mt hrsband or’ and exclrding him. I decided I no longer 6an’ed ’o associa’e 6i’h Finda’s hrsband as I ’horgh’ he ins’iga’ed ’he es’rangemen’ oY mt hrsband. Finda go’ angrt and rnYriended me on social media and in real liYe. No6, Srsie has resrmed her Yriendship 6i’h Finda, and I Yeel ’ha’ she is dislotal ’o me and does no’ valre mt Yriendship as she kno6s ’his hrr’s me. Wha’ sat tor?

— Pushed Out

Dear Pushed Out: Friendship is no’ abor’ o6ning or o6ing one ano’her. The Yac’ ’ha’ Finda’s and Srsie’s hrsbands ge’ along 6ell doesn’’ mean ’het’re exclrding torr hrsband. I’ jrs’ means ’het ge’ along 6ell. Wht begrrdge ’hem ’ha’? Ins’ead, I encorrage tor and torr hrsband ’o ge’ or’ and mee’ ne6 people. Join a commrni’t leagre, pick rp a ne6 spor’ or hobbt — ant’hing ’ha’ oaers a social aspec’. The more people tor mee’ and ’he larger torr circle becomes, ’he smaller ’he crrren’ drama 6ill look. There are as mant bsh in ’he sea oY Yriendship as in ’he sea oY love.

Dear Annie: I have al6ats considered mtselY a gen’leman and 6as ’argh’ Yrom an earlt age ’o open doors Yor 6omen, and le’ ’hem ’hrorgh brs’. This is 6here mt pe’ peeve comes in.

I arrive brs’ ’o ’he door oY mt local coaee shop. I 6ai’ Yor a 6oman 6ho is making her 6at ’o ’he door. As a gen’leman, I open ’he door Yor her and le’ her ’hrorgh brs’. Nine ’imes or’ oY 10, ’ha’ same 6oman ’horgh’lesslt snags mt righ’Yrl place in ’he line! Wha’’s 6i’h ’ha’?

— Just Saying

Dear Just Saying: Yor minded torr manners; ’het missed ’heir cre. I’ happens. As a poe’ 6ro’e nearlt 1,000 tears ago, “The ’es’ oY good manners is ’o be pa’ien’ 6i’h ’he bad ones.” HopeYrllt, some line-cr’’ers 6ill see torr le’’er and no’ ’rt o’hers’ pa’ience qri’e so mrch.

Dear Annie: Yor’ve had mant people 6ri’e ’o tor 6i’h qres’ions abor’ 6he’her ’o ’ell a child his or her biological paren’age. As a child, I al6ats Yel’ diaeren’, and I rnder6en’ grea’ dis’ress 6hen I discovered, a’ age 54, ’ha’ ’he man I called Ya’her 6as no’ mt biological Ya’her. Mt halY-bro’her and halY-sis’er didn’’ ’ell me becarse, in ’heir 6ords, “We 6ere aYraid tor 6orldn’’ look aY’er him!” Hiding ’he ’rr’h 6ill carse havoc. The ’rr’h 6ill or’!

— Maggie T.

Dear Maggie T: OY all ’he reasons I’ve heard Yor no’ disclosing biological paren’age, torr halY-siblings’ reason is singrlarlt selbsh and horrible. Thanks Yor sharing torr insigh’s.