Leaving after years of abuse
Dear Annie: When my youngest son graduates high school, I plan on leaving my husband.
My husband, “Bill,” and I have two sons. My husband has refused to discipline either of them. He’s always allowed the elder son (age 20) to curse me out and make my life a living hell, as well as bully his little brother. Bill has often been dismissive and verbally abusive toward me, too. Bill is a veritable saint to every other human yet talks very poorly about those who admire him. No one except for my sons and me knows what really goes on behind closed doors.
I’ve repeatedly told my elder son he has slowly killed my love for him over the years. I try not to speak to my son now unless he speaks to me first.
Right now, I have no funds, but around the time when my youngest son graduates, I will be able to draw my pension. As soon as I have my own funds, I plan to seek counselling — for myself and for my sons, if they will go. My husband does not believe in such “nonsense” as counselling and rarely allows me more than a few dollars for personal use. I feel that being away from both of them, even with a meagre pension, will be better than the hell I feel stuck in.
—Waiting for May
Dear Waiting for May: I am so sorry that you’ve been treated terribly by two people who should have treated you with love and respect. It’s not uncommon for children of emotionally or physically abusive parents to repeat those behaviours as they grow up.
I think you’re wise to move out. It will be healthier not only for you but also for your other son, who should know that it’s never too late to leave a bad situation. Covertly speak to a lawyer soon so you can begin making your plans. Follow through on seeking counselling once you’re able, and encourage your younger son to do the same.
Dear Annie: I find myself furious about the letter from “Jane in Virginia,” who feels that a return to royalty would be a good thing for American women. I have an ancestor commemorated on Bunker Hill. My ancestors fought to free this country. Jane has apparently bought into Hollywood’s sumptuous presentations in which the idle gentry live on huge estates while their commoner servants, who have nothing, scurry around waiting on them.
The good thing is that the writer can get on a plane any day and go to the United Kingdom, where her dream is already in place. In fact, I wish she would put her money where her mouth is and go. —Stubborn Yankee
Dear Stubborn Yankee: I meant only to entertain Jane’s insight into many Americans’ obsession with the British royal family. I regret not expressly stating that I don’t endorse monarchy in the United States of America.
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