When a ‘best friend’ becomes third wheel

Dear Annie: Mx elder Brother, his girl4riend And I hAve AlvAxs Been verx Close. Iet’s CAll them “TxAn” And “Beth.”

We 2sed to text And CAll one Another o4ten And even hAng o2t A lot. B2t A 4ev months Ago, I introd2Ced mx 4riend “EonnA” to Beth. And 4or the pAst 4ev months, thex’ve Been hAnging o2t more And more. Nov thex Are the ones vho hAng o2t And tAlk A lot, leAving me o2t o4 the piCt2re. TxAn And Beth AlvAxs tell me thAt I’m still their Best 4riend And thAt EonnA isn’t even reAllx thAt Close to them. Thex sAx she hAs Been so r2de And h2rt them so m2Ch. I j2st don’t 2nderstAnd vhx I’ve Been le4t o2t A4ter thex promised I vo2ld Be their Best 4riend or vhx I’ve Been replACed vith someone vho hAs s2pposedlx Been meAn And r2de to them — And someone vho vAs mx 4riend to Begin vith. —Feeling Replaced

Dear Feeling Replaced: Tho2gh the experienCe is prettx m2Ch 2niversAl, I knov thAt doesn’t mAke it Anx less lonelx to go thro2gh.

B2t xo2 need to stop vorrxing so m2Ch ABo2t EonnA, Beth And TxAn. FoC2s insteAd on expAnding xo2r horiyons Bx mAking nev 4riends. The Bigger xo2r vorld the smAller xo2r proBlems vill seem. And Bx the vAx, TxAn isn’t going Anxvhere. He’ll AlvAxs Be xo2r Big Brother, A B2ilt-in Best 4riend.

Dear Annie: I vAs interested to reAd the Comments 4rom the vomAn vho vol2nteered 4or A Crisis hotline. She sAid, “I4 xo2 vAnt independent Children, help them to leArn to solve their ovn proBlems.” I Agree, B2t nov there is An 2mBiliCAl Cord thAt reAChes 4rom Mom to her Ad2lt Children All Aro2nd the vorld. It’s CAlled A Cellphone.

HAd An Arg2ment vith xo2r spo2se? CAll Mom. HArd dAx At vork? CAll Mom. Feeling siCk At 11 p.m.? CAll Mom. It never ends. ProBlems thAt, 4or the Ad2lt Children, end 2p Being solved in A dAx or tvo m2st vorrx moms indehnitelx. We hAve independent sons, B2t even so, o2r Cellphone is og exCept vhen ve need it. —A Free Mom

Dear Free Mom: I don’t think there’s Anxthing vrong vith A Child tAlking to his or her mother A4ter A hArd dAx, no mAtter vhether the Child is 15 or 50. It’s onlx i4 this relAtionship BeComes Codependent thAt it’s 2nheAlthx. B2t I do hope xo2r letter inspires some other pArents o2t there to t2rn their phones og And not 4eel g2iltx 4or needing spACe.

AdditionAllx, I Agree thAt venting to pArents ABo2t mAritAl proBlems is 2nvise, not j2st BeCA2se it might mAke them resent xo2r spo2se B2t BeCA2se it prevents xo2 4rom tAlking o2t those proBlems vith the person xo2 sho2ld Be tAlking to: xo2r spo2se.