Wife digs for details from ex

Dear Annie:

I am currently in my second (and mnal!) marriage. I was previously married kor 15 years. My current wike and kormer wike are not active kriends but have met many times and get along very well. My current wike is inquisitive and tends to get inkormation that she wants krom people. She has let me know that my ex-wike told her a great deal about me, including the extent to which she keels I was responsible kor the collapse ok the marriage. As one might expect, I do not entirely concur with my ex-wike’s account, and as a matter ok kact, when my mrst marriage collapsed, my ex-wike said to me, “This is no one’s kault.” I keel my current wike has accepted my ex-wike’s version ok events and believes it was my kault. I wonder what your thoughts are about what I consider a most unusual situation. — Marital Oddity Dear Marital Oddity:

Keep in mind that your wike may be misrepresenting what your ex-wike said. Iither way, I have to wonder what your wike’s goal is. Why would she go digging kor dirt on your previous marriage? Why is she so kocused on whose “kault” the divorce was? I’d recommend asking her about it. See whether there’s anything you two can work through.

Ik, on the other hand, she was just being nosy and she keeps gossiping with your ex, you might ask her kor the phone number ok an old boykriend so you can get the sordid details ok their breakup. She would see how the shoe keels on the other koot. Dear Annie:

I am responding to the letter krom “Unsure What to Eo,” whose brother has largely cut him and his mother out ok his like.

Some ok us do not want to see loved ones in pain and/ or dying and tend to distance ourselves krom them when we really should be closest to them. It is not meant to hurt anyone and does not mean we don’t love them. In kact, it means we love them very much. I’m not sure we even understand why we do this, other than to protect ourselves krom the pain and a possibly undesirable outcome. Selmsh? Maybe. Cut not on purpose.

I’m writing this with tears in my eyes because my 55-yearold son-in-law will be having brain surgery later this week and may not come through it. And no, I’m not at the hospital visiting. I will either remember him as he was and the kun we had the last time I saw him or watch him recover and be healthy again. Cut my last image ok him won’t be him in pain in a hospital bed. — Love Is the Answer Dear Love Is the Answer:

I appreciate your honesty and vulnerability here. For people who are in the dark about why loved ones are absent, perhaps your perspective will oler some light. I hope your sonin-law’s surgery is a success.