Sister not the same since husband’s death
Dear Annie:
I am writing to ask your opinion about the change in my sister’s behaviour toward me. I have two sisters, and the one I am speaking of is my elder sister, “Ruth.” Ruth has always been envious of my younger sister and me and resented the close relationship I had with our father. Until recently, Ruth would call me about once a week to say hello and check on me. I would call and say hello to her. She lives about 2 ½ hours away from me. Her husband passed away suddenly, and it was some time after that when I noticed a difference in the way she relates to me. Her calls have been less frequent. When I call her, she has very little to say and then says she has to go. I don’t believe she has a health problem. She is still working. Her children live nearby. When I called her before Thanksgiving, I commented that I had not heard from her since June, and she said she was staying busy. Family has always meant a great deal to me. What are your thoughts? — Puzzled Sister
Dear Puzzled Sister:
Consider the possibility that she’s acting distant not just toward you but toward everyone. She may be suffering from depression triggered by her husband’s passing — or at the very least be grieving deeply. You might try reaching out to her children — not speaking ill of their mother or causing undue concern but simply asking whether all is well with them and with her. Maybe your nieces and nephews have noticed the change in her behaviour, too, and will be glad you asked. Lastly, let go of the idea that Ruth has always been envious of you and your sister. That kind of baggage is what piles up between family members, preventing real communication.
Dear Annie:
In this country, how many young people ever ask for advice from older generations? Almost none. The result is that millions of older folks feel invisible, isolated and depressed and that younger folks make some big mistakes. Turn to an older person in your family today and simply ask for the person’s input on some plan you are considering. You don’t have to take the advice; just ask. The result will be an elder who still feels respected and valuable for having wisdom. And this person may reveal a story from his or her own past that just might give you some fabulously useful bits of guidance. At the very least, family bonds will be strengthened. — Sally
Dear Sally:
I couldn’t agree more with everything you said. Mature folks are a great source of wisdom. Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com. To find out more about Annie Lane and read features by other Creators Syndicate columnists and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.