ANNIE’S MAILBOX New friend in need of boundaries
Editor’s Note:
Annie Lane is off this week. The following column was originally published in October 2016.
Dear Annie:
My husband, “Bob,” and I have been married for 30 years. I work full time; Bob is retired. Over the past year, Bob has befriended “Martin.” This man is in the habit of coming over to our house every day, uninvited, for hours. They usually stay in the garage, where Bob keeps his hobbies. They often hang out until the early morning hours. I feel deprived of my husband’s company. Bob says I’m being mean. He tries to help everyone and never wants to offend anyone. I feel this “friend” has way overstayed his welcome. What should I do? — Lonely and Frustrated Wife
Dear Lonely:
Bob “never wants to offend anyone,” but he doesn’t seem to extend that courtesy to you. Though it’s healthy for him to have friends, especially in retirement, I agree that he should set better boundaries with Martin. But I think the core issue here is that he’s not spending enough time with you. Put the focus on that rather than tell him he can’t hang out with his pal. Set aside a weekly date night that is yours and Bob’s alone.
Dear Annie:
My girlfriend and I are in a long-distance relationship. We met in grad school. She finished up in the spring and got a job up north while I finish school. We decided we would try to make a long-distance relationship work for this year and then I would find a job near her. A good buddy of mine happens to live in the same city as she does. He sent me a screenshot from a dating app that shows you other people in your area who are looking to hook up. It was my girlfriend. She had created a profile on the app and posted flirty photos. I called and confronted her. She acted surprised saying she was just using that app to make friends. She got angry and said it hurt that I didn’t trust her. By the time we got off the phone, I felt bad for doubting her. I had a pizza delivered to her place as an apology. But now I’m having second thoughts. Am I being paranoid? — Wondering
Dear Wondering:
You should have sent that pizza to your buddy. He saved you a lot of trouble and an expensive move for a woman who clearly doesn’t think much of you. Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com. To find out more about Annie Lane and read features by other Creators Syndicate columnists and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.