Tough to find ‘right’ words
Dear Annie: My boyfriend’s mother was recently diagnosed with Alzheimer’s disease. It has been really hard on him and his family. I’ve been trying to be there for him as best I can, but it seems like I’m always saying the wrong thing. The other day, he was talking about how difficult it is to think that there will eventually be a time when his mom can no longer remember his name. I told him that was years down the road and to try not to think about it for now, to enjoy the quality time he can still spend with her. He snapped at me and told me he was allowed to think about it, that it was a reality he’s facing. What is the right thing to say in these situations? —Hesitant But Wanting to Help Dear Hesitant: It’s not about saying the right thing. The fact is that this is extremely upsetting news for your boyfriend and his family, and there’s no combination of words that can make it all better. While I know that your wish to cheer him up comes from a place of love, it can come across as minimizing the pain, which adds insult to injury. Sometimes the kindest thing we can do for a loved one is to simply sit with them in their pain and honour it.
You can also express your love by helping him out with practical aspects of everyday life that might fall to the wayside in the wake of this news. Ask him to always feel free to tell you what he needs from you, whether he’d like to hear reassurance or just wants to vent. You might also encourage him to attend a support group.
Dear Annie: I’d like to reference your column from Jan. 28, “Check Before You Donate Items.” I agree with most of your answer, as it seems some people think donations are the same as taking out the trash. However, I was greatly disappointed with your comment, “You should never donate expired food.”
I would hope you could use your column to educate your readers to the fact that expired foods are not because the contents are bad. Most canned goods are good for weeks, months or years, most with no decrease in nutrition or flavour.
Approved Food is a store in England that sells expired food at discount prices and has been known to need to close the store for two or three days to catch up with demand. Doug Rauch, a past president of Trader Joe’s, has opened a new line of stores called Daily Table with the same concept, and is having a difficult time convincing U.S. customers that the food is perfectly safe.
We supposedly have many people in the country who do not have enough to eat yet we waste (throw away) 40 per cent of our food. When we encourage our food pantry recipients to not use past date (even “sell by”) what are we doing to their families? Denying them perfectly good food. If it looks good and smells good, it’s good. The can contents cannot read. They do not know when to go bad. Same with milk and produce. — Waste Not, Want Not Dear Waste Not: Thank you for this enlightening take on sell-by dates. I’m printing your letter to correct the record. Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com. To find out more about Annie Lane and read features by other Creators Syndicate columnists and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.