Are you guilty of pulling selfish driving manoeuvres?

Here’s a list of risky moves, including one that Lorraine Sommerfeld admits doing.

The list of selfish driving manoeuvres is nearly endless, from straddling multiple parking spots and parking in emergency zones with your four-ways on — the universal code for “I’ll just be a minute” — to encroaching on bike lanes and littering from your car. Others include not clearing all the snow off your car and texting while driving. Some are more dangerous than others, but all are selfish.

The following list is my own, and the last one is one I do all the time. So sue me.

1

Zippity-doo-dahh

You may look selfish doing a zipper merge, but you are not — and yet most people will put this near the top of their list.

The zipper merge isn’t magic, it’s science. It works. The major artery near my house narrows from two lanes to one, and it’s been that way forever. At the traffic light, there are two lanes. A few hundred metres after the light, the merge occurs. In rushhour traffic, it can take up to three revolutions of the light to get through — if you’re not in the lane that will be reduced.

You better believe I’m in that right-hand lane at the light. The merge is safe, more of us get through, there is less chance of vehicle butts hanging in the intersection after the red, and more importantly, we’re right.

Special note to those who ram down the shoulder in construction zones to cut in: you are a menace.

2

The sloth

Parking your slow-moving arse in the passing lane is not only selfish, it’s stupid, dangerous, illegal, and probably the No. 1 architect of most road rage on our highways.

You are not the moral arbiter of the flow of traffic, no matter how bad you want to make everybody play by your rules. So keep right.

There are two versions of the passing-lane slowpoke: ones who do it on purpose, and ones who get on the highway and never, ever look in their mirrors. Instructors say you should be checking your mirrors every five to eight seconds. Clutching the wheel and staring at your hood ornament as you cruise down the highway disrupting traffic is selfish, no matter your reasons.

3

The bouncer

Driving is a team sport. If someone needs to merge to get on the highway, you need to let them. While I’m glad you’re not hogging the passing lane, you also can’t act like a bouncer at a strip club, deciding who gets in.

I’m aware some drivers are lousy mergers; some drivers are lousy drivers, period. But consider this: the second someone touches their brakes, for any reason, it causes a wave of cars hitting their brakes that can go back 100 to 1,000 metres in an instant.

The resulting backlog is called a “jamiton,” and your one selfish move that results in anyone hitting their brakes has caused a phantom traffic jam. It’s exasperating, and it doesn’t need to happen. Remember: Team sport.

4

Good enough

There are often very few options for on-street parking, and lucking out and locating a spot only to realize someone has decided they need their space as well as half of yours is frustrating. If your vehicle is not contained within the provided box, you’ve goofed. Get back in and straighten it out. If the spot you found is big enough for two vehicles, pull up and leave the other spot for someone else.

5

Arrow thief

Most advanced turn signals are triggered by more than one car waiting to make a left. If you are the first car and end up being the only car, you won’t get your coveted arrow. So I sit back a spot to fake out the sensor. I am selfish. I am holding up oncoming traffic so I can snag the advanced light.

I’ll cop to being happy when someone joins the queue and I can move up, but I want that arrow if I can get it.

Driving.ca