Fighting friends push son away from school

Dear Annie: My husband and I bought a house in a neighbourhood 12 years ago because it has a great school district. I am writing about our oldest child, “Alan,” who is 12. He can’t stand it when people fight.

Alan used to love going to school, but lately he has been trying to stay home as much as possible. Yesterday, when he was home being “sick,” he opened up to me. He said there are four boys in his class who don’t like three other students because the others are immigrants from South America who are still learning English. Alan likes both groups of boys but feels like he is being pressured to take sides against the Spanish-speaking students.

Alan has a best friend, “David,” who is also quiet and sensitive, and Alan said David does not want to take sides either. He said both sides say awful things to each other.

My husband and I don’t really know where to turn. We don’t care about politics. We just want for our son to be eager to go to school and learn, the way he used to feel. Dear Concerned Mother: You and husband might want to get together with David’s parents, and, if you are all on the same page, have a meeting with their teacher. It is remarkable, and wonderful, that Alan opened up to you. It shows that you are a great mom. It might make sense for the school, or Alan’s class, to have a group discussion and allow all students to express their opinions.

What is happening in your school district is not unusual, and the more we can communicate openly and accept many different viewpoints and perspectives, the more we will all get along.

Dear Annie: I am responding to your column about competitive, catty women. So sad to spend your 70s with “friends” that are so challenging.

Now going on to my 80s, I’m having a great time with friends that love to laugh and enjoy what we can and cannot do, find joy in groups that not-so serious about life’s difficulties. My suggestion is to find different friends that can laugh and enjoy the good in getting older and wiser!! Dear Staying Away from Negative People: Your vibe attracts your tribe.

Dear Annie: The column from the person whose in-law who worked really hard all his life only to pass on only a few months after his retirement, was really moving. It truly underscores the fact that we need to work to live, not the other way around. I like that you brought to light that “beautiful” is not always pretty.