Mother of five battles ongoing addictions
Dear Annie: I’m a mother to five beautiful children. I do not have custody of any of them. I’m an addict, and I refuse to raise my kids the way my parents raised me. I want them to have and see a better life than I did. Growing up wasn’t great for me. We were homeless. My siblings and I had to transfer schools often.
I had my first kid at 18 and gave him and my parental rights up to my brother. I started smoking meth and marijuana and drinking. I was in jail by age 22. In my early 20s, I had my second kid and gave him up for adoption because I knew I wasn’t done with the cycle of drug use and jail. I have joint legal custody of my third kid. And my last two kids live with their father, my ex-husband. I’ve relapsed, and I hate who I am today. Do you have any advice for me that I don’t already know? Changing for the better, and getting clean and sober has been so hard for me. Though I have done it in the past and loved it. I want to be better.
— Bad Mom
Dear Mom: Few people have easy roads in life, but yours has been especially difficult. Growing up without housing likely left you with anxiety issues, and substance abuse became a coping mechanism. Try to show yourself some compassion. No one ever hated themselves into self improvement. Becoming the person you want to be starts with forgiving yourself for the person you’ve been.
You asked me to give you some advice that you haven’t heard before. I’m going to give you advice you probably have. But even if you’ve heard this a hundred times, it’s worth hearing a hundred more: I strongly urge you to attend Narcotics Anonymous, Alcoholics Anonymous or another program such as LifeRing. I believe such a support group will offer the sense of community and family that your spirit craves.
Dear Annie: I’m responding to the writer who sent advice to provide the name of an animal shelter to which a cat should be sent to upon an owner’s death. Older animals have little chance of adoption, and they will most likely end up euthanized.
There are privately run long-term care facilities for aging animals where they can live out their lives peacefully. Every pet owner should visit those facilities to confirm that they are properly licensed and operated responsibility. Make it clear what should happen to your pets upon your death, and provide funds for their lifelong care. Far too many animals end up in shelters.
— Animal Lover in New Mexico
Dear Animal Lover: I was unaware of these until I got your letter and looked into it more, but there are indeed pet “retirement homes” or “sanctuaries.” I echo your statement that owners should visit the facilities and ensure they’re properly licensed and offer animals adequate, humane care. Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com. To find out more about Annie Lane and read features by other Creators Syndicate columnists and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.