Hostile husband needs to stop harassing cat

Dear Annie: I am 28 years old, and recently celebrated my second wedding anniversary. I have been with my husband, Tom, for a total of five years, but due to immigration trials and tribulations, we have only been living together full time for two-and-a-half years (first in the United States and now in the United Kingdom).

My issue is my husband’s relationship with my beloved nine-year-old cat, Whiskers.

When Tom first began to visit me, prior to our engagement, and then live with me in the U.S., he had no issue with Whiskers. This continued until a year ago, when Tom began to dislike Whiskers.

It started with purring. Whiskers is large and loud, and his purring is certainly noticeable. Now, Tom will leave the room in a huff if Whiskers starts purring, and he is not allowed on the bed, even though the dogs are when we are not sleeping.

My husband is hostile toward the cat, and I have confronted Tom about my suspicions that he is abusive toward Whiskers when I am not around. The cat now avoids him and will run upstairs when Tom gets home. He has denied it, but his actions when he thinks I am not looking make me disbelieve him. I received Whiskers as a kitten from my mother when my five-month-old daughter died suddenly. To be frank, if Tom had acted this way toward Whiskers in the beginning, I would not have pursued a life with him.

I have told Tom how hurtful I find his treatment of Whiskers. Nothing seems to make a difference.

— Depressed and Confused

Dear Depressed and Confused: It sounds like Tom might be jealous of your close relationship with sweet Whiskers, and he is acting horribly because of it. If he treats your innocent nine-year-old cat this way, I hate to think how he would treat other things that are important to you.

The beginning is always the honeymoon phase, and it sounds like Tom was on his best behaviour and pretending to like the cat. Now that you are married and he is feeling more comfortable, his true colours are showing. I am sorry to say this, but those colours are ugly. The fact that the cat runs away from him, and that you suspect abuse, is very telling.

I would speak firmly to Tom and say that you believe that he is hurting Whiskers.

Tom needs counselling for his treatment of Whiskers. The fact that he changed his behaviour is even worse. If he is unwilling to go to therapy and talk about his aggressive behaviour, seriously consider grabbing Whiskers — and perhaps your other pets as well — and walking out the door.

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