Sisters should leave the drama at the door

Dear Annie: My husband and I are planning a big party to celebrate our 25th wedding anniversary. Sadly, two sisters are all but ruining the event. They are both close friends of mine, but they are feuding with each other. I did not send out online invites but rather traditional paper invitations. Through the grapevine, I heard they are both inquiring about whether the other was invited. We just want a peaceful, fun party and do not want to get dragged into their fight. How can I avoid their turmoil? It is already casting a shadow on our party.

— Sister Squabble

Dear Sister Squabble: Congratulations on 25 years of marriage. That is no easy feat, and it’s a wonderful thing to be celebrating. Hopefully it will be a drama-free evening. Speak with each sister before the party and tell them to leave their baggage at the door and put their party hats on.

If they’re unable to do that, or if they become defensive, then tell them they are no longer welcome. It’s your party, and it’s you and your husband’s day. You’re both entitled to set the code of conduct for behaviour.

Dear Annie: Every day of my (now ended) marriage, I’d look up at the sky like Tevye in Fiddler on the Roof and ask, “How long is forever?”

I never realized I was doing this until a time came when I saw that my marriage had essentially ended. We were like old shoes that didn’t fit.

Not wanting to be a quitter, I had to reckon with how to “grow on.” Then the phrase came to me, kindly and thankfully: “Forever lasts as long as forever lasts.”

Not to be cute, but that worked for me. I was able to control my mind and make adjustments in my life. Not that my marital unit understood, agreed or cared.

It’s tough when our emotions rip us away from our minds. Knowing the value of being able to use your mind and act on your thoughts is a powerful tool.

— Forever Lasts as Long as Forever Lasts

Dear Forever: Thank you for your letter and your insights into what the word “forever” means. Good luck!

Dear Annie: Today I opened my newspaper and I was happily surprised to see that you printed my letter. I just wanted to say thank you so much for your kind and thoughtful reply to me. It meant the world to me.

— Empathetic Daughter of a Narcissist

Dear Empathetic Daughter of a Narcissist: I encourage you to write a book. Your letter has touched many people who are trying to navigate life with a narcissist. In fact, yesterday’s column had a letter by someone whom your column very much touched.