New beau, new woes

Dear Annie: I am 75. I’ve been single for more than 20 years. I was resigned to live my life as a single woman. However, a man I dated 57 years ago called me out of the blue last year. He told me he’d outlived his wife, Sheryl. They were married 22 years; she died 10 years ago. He invited me to visit him, and I did, twice. We felt a great connection.

My problem is that I’m jealous of the deceased wife. I constantly wonder if I can measure up. I hate this about myself. Can this be remedied? Envious

Dear Envious: First, recognize that his late wife will forever occupy a huge place in his heart. That doesn’t mean there’s any less room for you.

In time, as your relationship to him deepens, you will feel more trusting of him and naturally less threatened.

Continue depriving this unfounded jealousy of air, and you’ll gradually snuff it out.

And keep in mind that this man reached out to you, 57 years later. You must have made quite an impression.

Dear Annie: I wanted to say a few words to Black Sheep, whose mother was keeping him or her from going to the college of their choosing.

My mother didn’t want me to go to college either. The best things I ever did in life were: A) Go to college and B) Take advantage of the free/ low-cost student counselling once I was there. It turns out that our predicament wasn’t unique to our families and there are experts who can walk you through the emotions that come with striking out on your own under such stressful circumstances. Do both. Chase your dreams and find a professional to talk to about it. You’ll never regret it. — Black Sheep Made Good

Dear Black Sheep Made Good: I’m glad to print these wise words from a black sheep who has found her flock.

Dear Annie: My husband and I could have written a similar letter as Failure to Launch Father. Our son dropped out of school at 16. He started partying all night and sleeping all day. On his 18th birthday, he was given several options: go back to school, get a job to help with household expenses; or get out. He chose to get out. We were never sure where he went, although there were times when I could see him sleeping in the park across from my office. He moved to a nearby city, got a job as a bike messenger and worked as a roadie. He got his GED and went on to college. He graduated at the top of his class. He now works for a top tech company. It was a long road, but tough love does work. Been There, Done That Mom Dear Been There: I’m sure this letter will offer some encouragement to Failure to Launch Father and any other parents hesitant to dole out some overdue tough love. Thanks for writing.

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