Can sneezers be quiet?

Dear Annie: Recently, you printed a letter from a woman whose boyfriend excessively belched. I am here to complain about my wife’s sneezes.

When she sneezes, it is practically a scream. I think it gives me ear damage. It definitely gives me a start, not to mention our poor cat, who takes off running for cover every time. This is worse in the spring, with the allergies.

I have heard that it is unhealthy to hold in sneezes, but the volume, at least, would seem controllable to me. Can’t she dial it down? Alarmed by the Achoos

Dear Alarmed: In theory, yes. But in reality, it would be pretty difficult. We’re capable of controlling the volume of our sneezes to a degree (by closing our mouths, for one). But it’s a complex reflex. Otolaryngologists have found that a sneeze is as unique as a laugh, and most of us develop a signature sneeze from a young age.

So try to cut your wife some slack. Encourage her to talk to her doctor about allergy medication options. She should also undergo an allergy test, if she hasn’t already, to identify any hidden irritants lurking in your home. And kindly ask her to give you a heads-up when possible. That will reduce the shock factor, if not the ear damage.

Dear Annie: I was glad to see your column mention the Alcoholics Anonymous meetings available on Zoom. In the small state of New Hampshire alone (where I live), there are hundreds of Zoom meetings weekly, as of this writing. Paul

Dear Paul: These virtual support group meetings have been a lifeline to many during the pandemic. There are also meetings available by telephone, so you don’t even need a computer to participate.

Dear Annie: I’d like to offer some background on what it’s like to be a neurotypical spouse of someone with autism. Many people with high-functioning autism do not see any other point of view but their own. In our marriage, that means my spouse thinks if I do something different from his way, I am wrong.

People with Asperger’s often have a very delicate sensory system. They work hard to survive every day in our noisy, crowded, visually stimulating world. Some have such sensitive skin that a delicate touch or hug feels painful.

However, there are many positives to being married to someone with this disorder.

The two books that helped me are Asperger Syndrome and Long-term Relationships by Ashley Stanford, and Life With a Partner or Spouse with Asperger Syndrome by Kathy J. Marshack PH.D. Supportive Spouse

Dear Supportive: Thank you so much for opening up about your personal experience and sharing these resources to help others.