Montreal Gazette

Should posterity get the whole truth?

- Annie lane

Dear Annie: I need some advice on what to do about my daily journals. I keep a daily journal and have for many years — including during a time when my husband was an alcoholic. He’s been sober for 27 years. (We are in our late 70s.)

In those journals, I wrote about the times he got drunk — of his stumbling around in a drunken stupor, of his passing out in his lounger with our children sitting in the room, of his lying about going to Alcoholics Anonymous meetings and instead going to the club and drinking for hours. I wrote about all these times and more, describing the family’s frustratio­n.

Now that he’s been sober all these years, I’m wondering what to do about those journals from the times when he was not. They contain not only comments about the difficulti­es I went through dealing with his drinking but also informatio­n about the family’s normal daily life — for example, children’s sports games. I’d like to save my journals in case my grandchild­ren or great-grandchild­ren would like to know, in the future, what their grandmothe­r’s or great-grandmothe­r’s life was like, but I wonder about the wisdom of making it possible for them to read about their alcoholic grandfathe­r or great-grandfathe­r. Should I leave the journals unabridged, or should I take only the good excerpts from them to preserve my husband’s sober image? His

grandchild­ren only know him as a loving sober man. I don’t know whether our children have ever enlightene­d their own children about how their grandfathe­r used to be before he stopped drinking.

So, what do I do? At my age, I’m thinking that if I’m going to change anything, I’d better start doing it now. Deliberati­ng Diarist

Dear Deliberati­ng Diarist: Your family’s struggle with alcoholism is not something you or your husband should feel ashamed of, and it might actually be helpful for your grandchild­ren and great-grandchild­ren to be made aware of it — when they’re old enough — as they may be geneticall­y predispose­d to the disease themselves. Even if they’re not at risk, they will inevitably face some hardships of their own. How special it would be for them to be able to look to the pages of your journal and remember their heritage of perseveran­ce. You’re passing these journals down because you want your descendant­s to know what your life was like, so let them know what it was really like: thrilling, exasperati­ng, challengin­g, fulfilling, maddening, awe-inspiring — not always pretty but ultimately still beautiful.

Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com. To find out more about Annie Lane and read features by other Creators Syndicate columnists and cartoonist­s, visit the Creators Syndicate website at creators.com.

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