Montreal Gazette

Focus on repairing your own relationsh­ip

- ANNIE LANE

Dear Annie: My wife “Monica” has been having a mostly texting affair with “Mike” for almost two years. There are emails where they address each other with, “Hey, babe.” I accidental­ly discovered this years ago, and again recently.

Upon this discovery, I texted Mike angrily — he is not someone I actually know, but I took his number from my wife's phone — and my wife claims that it's “over.” I've heard this before.

My wife asked me not to contact Mike's wife because “they would probably divorce if she found out.” Why would I care about that? My wife thinks Mike is “a friend” and wouldn't want to see him hurt. I am sure he's not “a friend” and obviously wants something more.

Why should I honour my wife's wishes here? Doesn't Mike's wife deserve to know that he's in love with another woman? (His words, expressed in an email.) Doesn't she have a right to know about her husband's infidelity?

Let the Truth Out

Dear Let the Truth Out: Yes, Mike's wife has a right to know about her husband's infidelity — if, in fact, he has been unfaithful to her. Mike has to be the one to tell her about his feelings for your wife instead of you. Rather than focusing on someone else's relationsh­ip, continue to focus on your own.

Seek marriage counsellin­g with your wife. Try to understand why she needs an emotional connection with another man via texting instead of you. Maybe you will learn something. I know you are hurting about the texts you found — and I am sorry for that — but hurting Mike's wife will not make it better. Instead, focus on repairing your relationsh­ip. Let Mike figure out his own stuff. When we lie to the ones we love, we only hurt ourselves, so my guess is that Mike is already suffering. Best of luck to you and your wife.

Dear Annie: Your answer to the parent of the four-yearold who is not interested in books and can't sit still left out a possibilit­y. Mom needs to talk to her pediatrici­an about the possibilit­y that her son has attention deficit hyperactiv­ity disorder, or ADHD.

The descriptio­n would make me, a retired pediatrici­an, very suspicious. If the pediatrici­an agrees that the boy has ADHD, the pediatrici­an can help for now with some behavioura­l management suggestion­s, but if the child starts having behavioura­l issues in school — often in Grade 1 — medication may be very helpful and save the kid's educationa­l progress. Retired Pediatrici­an

Dear Pediatrici­an: Thank you.

Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com. To find out more about Annie Lane and read features by other Creators Syndicate columnists and cartoonist­s, visit the Creators Syndicate website at creators.com.

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