Chit-chat at the office getting out of control
Dear Annie: I've been an admin for many years at many different offices, and the admin's office/desk is usually equivalent to a home's kitchen — the gathering spot.
The problem is, I have a lot of work to do. My focus is broken a million times a day because people just come up to my desk to hang out and talk. How do I get people to stop doing this but still retain our friendly atmosphere?
We really have a nice group of people, but I'm losing my mind. My boss knows, is often in the conversations and considers it part of being on a team. But if each person talks to me for 10, 20, 30 minutes, that's my whole day. And it's also exhausting. Thank you. Chatty Kathy
Dear Chatty Kathy: It sounds that you're so full of honey that all the office bees are attracted to you. There's nothing bad about taking occasional breaks to speak with co-workers. It helps to form bonds with the team and to rest your mind. If it's distracting your work, though, then it's time to set boundaries.
First, keep working. Try to keep your eyes on your work, and don't fully engage. Send a message that you're focused while also being polite and asking to engage later.
Second, if it's the location of the chatting that's hard for you, there are two options to try. While focusing on your work, you could politely ask them to move to another area so you can concentrate. Alternatively, you can try to establish a “no chatting zone” around your desk and identify another spot in the office to hold gab sessions. It is up to you to establish boundaries with your colleagues.
Dear Annie: I have been a member of Al-anon for over 45 years. I have learned that not only am I powerless over my spouse's drinking, but I'm also powerless over other people, places and things. The only thing I am not powerless over is me. And every day, in any situation, I have a choice over how I respond to anything.
Grateful in Recovery.
Dear Grateful: I'm grateful for your letter. I hope that it inspires others who are in similar situations to seek help.
Dear Annie: “Trying to Be a Good Dad” was worried about repeating parenting mistakes with his newborn. As someone with the same upbringing and a parent of two, I can say loving your child unconditionally is not enough. He needs to take parenting classes and attend therapy to heal his childhood wounds and prevent over correcting, which is as common as repeating the pattern.
Been There, Healed That
Dear Healed That: Congratulations on your healing.