You Might Be a Criminal
Our governments get blamed for a lot of things like high taxes, low benefits, rules and laws that make you wonder what would require their enactment. In a way. that is their job! But you have to marvel about circumstances that would cause politicians and law makers to not only write wacky regulations but then try to enforce them. How much time and effort (that is paid for with taxes) actually goes into the thought and preparation of new laws that I am sure sounded like a good idea at the time. In British Columbia, it is against the law to run a three-legged race for money. At first, I wondered if that meant it was illegal to actually physically run in the race for a prize, or to organize the race for profit. As we all know, British Columbia is a hotbed of three-legged racing; there is a thriving underground three-legged racing scene but in order to gain admittance you must know a guy who knows a guy, nudge nudge wink wink.
I have an active imagination but for the life of me I cannot think of a reason for an Iowa law that makes it illegal to charge people to watch a one-armed pianist to perform. Could it be that it is only half of a song for full price? Or did a local lawmaker have a grudge against an amputee piano player? If I was a one-armed piano player who wanted to work in Iowa I would duct tape a fake arm to my side and play away… and then only play half notes.
If you are a man who wears strapless evening gowns in Miami, Florida, you had better get some straps on that dress buddy, because it is illegal. I think this law may be challenged because of recent changing attitudes. Besides, we all know that a strapless gown will do absolutely nothing to enhance a man’s hairy but sexy shoulders…even in Miami.
So, you are out at a restaurant with the gang in Richmond, Virginia, the bill comes and, of course, everyone wants to treat the group and pay the tab, but if you flip a coin to decide, you could end up in jail eating prison food. It is illegal to flip a coin to decide who pays a restaurant tab. I imagine this law was made because of some disagreement over how much tip to include. Tips are always a topic of intense discussion but how often do the discussers take the discussion outside to agree on 10% or the standard 15%.
What could have happened in Oklahoma to cause the lawmakers to enact a law that makes it illegal to display a hypnotized person in a window? Was it a one-time event or was there a series of hypnotized people put on display? Was the crime committed by a group of crazed hypnotists or was it the work of a serial mesmerizer who was proud of his work and wanted to share his talent and efforts? Look deep into my eyes so I can show you off in my window… you are getting sleepy.
In the city of Providence, Rhode Island, it is illegal to sell toothbrushes on a Sunday, but you can sell toothpaste. If you want to buy a toothbrush on a Sunday, it might help if you know a bootleg tooth brush dealer who can hook you up, or know a guy who knows a guy, nudge nudge wink wink. Pssst need a soft bristle? In my humble opinion, these wacky laws are probably gut reactions by wacky lawmakers. But wouldn’t it be cool to hear the original wacky reasons for the law?