See You Later Alligator

The topic of winter vacations and get-a-ways is a popular conversation in the Geri-Hat-Tricks old-timer hockey team’s dressing room. You can gauge a retired guy’s pensions and investments by the amount of time and money they spend on getting away. With a simple conversation starter like, “Where do you go?” the answers can be as varied as they are predictable; there seems to be one common thread of similarity…anywhere south! Canadians who travel south in the winter are called Snow-birds and like avians there are preferred areas that seem to attract all types of migratory species. Having sunshine is important for travellers and there seems to be no shortage of sunbeams in Florida. Another thing there is no shortage of in Florida is Canadians, with just over 3.5 million visits last year alone. I wonder if that is because they can speak Canadian eh?

While there are many things that can attract the Northern visitor like sun, beaches, and watery beer, there are many dangers that the average touque- wearing Canadian visitor might not realize. There are more people struck by lightning in Florida than anywhere else in North America, with an average of 7 fatalities and over 50 injuries a year. There is one area in central Florida that has been named “Lightning Alley.” It gets an average of 50 strikes per square mile per year. Wow! But guess what? One of the world’s most popular vacation spots, Disney World, is located right in the middle of Lightning Alley. Thoughtfully, they have installed hundreds of lightning rods throughout the attraction. I wonder if they have signs saying, “You must be this tall to be a lightning rod”. There is another danger that seems to be uniquely Floridian and that is alligator attacks. Since the big water lizards got Florida Wildlife Department’s legal protection, they have drastically increased their population and with more human encroachment into their habitat, the attacks and encounters are increasing drastically. In one 2006 week alone, there were three people killed by gators; who knows how many pets went missing. As both variables increase, gator encounters will as well, but the Wildlife guys are not considering reinstating an alligator hunt so there will be more missing pet posters hung on telephone poles and bulletin boards.

If you want to avoid alligators and lighting in Florida, you might want to visit a city, but you might not be any safer on a street in Florida that out in the sticks. Traffic in Florida can be a killer. If you are a pedestri- an and involved in an accident, there is a 16.9% chance of a fatal event, whereas the American average is a mere 11%. Four out of the five most dangerous pedestrian cities in the USA are in Florida and the most dangerous of those is Orlando. If you think, “the heck with walking, I think I will ride a bike” you might want to reconsider, because Florida leads the USA with an average of 120 cyclist fatalities per year. Numbers may be a reason, but the state has very few bike lanes and paths. To make matters even worse, Florida drivers just don’t like bike riders. I think I would prefer to get my exercise by hailing cabs.

Now that I have scared myself with the dangers of Florida, it was never even considered a vacation spot for me and my beautiful bride, because we knew when we retired early, travel was not going to be affordable. We now vacation in our reclining easy chairs and, to be honest, I am sure we can say with no hesitation what so ever, “See you later alligator”.