Where’s The Meat?

Moose Jaw Express.com - - Faces of the Region -

If you have watched any tele­vi­sion in the past few months you have prob­a­bly seen the ad­ver­tise­ment for a fast food restau­rant that fea­tures a meat­less burger. What? The or­ange and brown restau­rant that def­i­nitely has the best root beer in the world, is now sell­ing a burger with a patty of veg­etable-based pro­tein and when the slick, care­fully worded spiel was de­liv­ered, it was all I could do to not jump in the truck and drive for an hour to our near­est or­ange and brown drive-through in the city.

The short bald man that was so con­vinc­ing in the ad, en­cour­aged in­no­cent “by­s­tanders” to sam­ple the new sand­wich (to call it a burger seems wrong) and with a com­plete camera crew in­clud­ing light­ing guys, sound guys, makeup guys, pro­duc­ers and such, the “sam­plers” re­sponse was pre­dictable... af­ter the re­leases and waivers were signed and no­ta­rized. “Wow! It’s fan­tas­tic! I never want to eat meat again! Where’s my pay­cheque?” Again I fought the urge to hop in the truck for a trip to the city for some root beer and a veg­etable-based pro­tein-based sand­wich.

At least the ad was hon­est enough to share the man­u­fac­turer of the veg­etable-based pro­tein sand- wich as be­ing a “Be­yond Burger” from Be­yond Meat. The or­ange and brown restau­rant is now Be­yond Meat’s largest cus­tomer. When I pointed and clicked on the Be­yond Meat web­site, I al­most be­came con­vinced that fake meat would save the world, end world­wide hunger and keep cows from fart­ing and caus­ing cli­mate change. Again, I fought the urge to jump in my truck and drive to town for a fake meat sand­wich.

I am not and prob­a­bly never will be a veg­e­tar­ian, al­though I do eat my veg­gies. That is prob­a­bly why I seem to be healthy. I am a car­ni­vore and if I was a cave man I would en­joy my mam­moth burger with some broc­coli and cau­li­flower for a well-bal­anced meal and a healthy colon. Un­for­tu­nately, my body will know when some­thing is lack­ing; with­out meat, who knows what car­nage will re­sult. I pic­ture my­self be­com­ing weak and pale in com­plex­ion, af­ter be­ing with­out real meat. Per­haps be­com­ing a vam­pire, if I go too long be­tween meaty meals. I would still come out­side dur­ing the day to do chores and maybe to hunt for meat. I prob­a­bly won’t hop in the truck for a big city fake meat burger…or would I?

Just by chance, we had to do some shop­ping in the big city and we (I) had a crav­ing for some root beer so off to the or­ange and brown restau­rant we went for some suds. I read the ad for the fake burger and I must ad­mit; the pic­ture was al­most iden­ti­cal to the other burger pic­tures so I or­dered the pricey fake burger. It seemed like it was a big deal when I or­dered it. Be­cause it was not pre­cooked, they needed to cook the burger and brought it to our ta­ble. I swear the staff was watch­ing my ev­ery bite, but I tried not to let that cloud my judge­ment in my taste-test of the fake meat sand­wich. The sand­wich was packed with let­tuce (lots of it), tomato (a nice thick slice), a gen­er­ous serv­ing of onion and the usual mus­tard rel­ish, ketchup and mayo smoth­ered over the veg­etable-based pro­tein patty. The fix­ings tasted like fix­ings do and in or­der to give the patty a fair shake, I ate half of it with­out any bread or the trim­mings. I would like to say that the pro­tein-based fake meat was fan­tas­tic and de­li­cious…but I’m not that big of a liar. It was a good thing we had shopped for meat…real meat. Yummy!

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