LET ME FIX YOU A DRINK
When our intrepid reporter invited some friends over for martinis, she didn’t tell them she’d be serving them out of a box. Here’s what happened
When’s the last time you had a truly complex glass of boxed pinot noir? Or reisling in a box with lovely jasmine notes and ginger undertones? My guess is, never, since boxed wine is like the punch line of the oenology world. Let’s be honest, when a friend serves you boxed wine, it usually means: 1) They just got out of prison. 2) They hate you. 3) It’s your brother and first cousin’s wedding.
On the flipside, wine critics argue that what boxed wines lack in tradition and cachet, they make up for in value, and according to a recent report on National Public Radio, boxed wine is making a comeback. It should also come as no surprise that Target stores sell a huge amount of boxed wine, and that Franzia, America’s best-selling wine, comes in a box.
Which brings us to the inevitable next generation of packaged alcoholic beverages: the boxed martini. ( Sinatra must be rolling in his grave.)
Story goes: Party A Go- Go boxed martinis were conceived at a party in L.A., where the hostess was mixing up God-awful cocktails. The proverbial light bulb went on for three of the party-goers (now partners), and the boxed martini concept was born. Party A Go- Go boxed martinis ( PAGG) are sold throughout the United States and launched in April at LCBO stores in Ontario, Newfoundland, Nova Scotia and Manitoba. They’re currently working on their entry into Quebec, and then B. C. and Alberta.
At the LCBO I visited, they had two PAGG flavours in stock: Choco Latte and Tropical Passion Fruit (the third will be Lemon Drop, with Cosmopolitan, Appletini and Crantini coming down the line.)
The boxes are fun, bedecked with retro beatnik and hipster scenes ( Vespas, berets, 5 o’clock shadows, sunglasses, and the rest of it) but the last time I had liquor from an outsized box — well, let’s just say it was the last time I had liquor from a box.
I’m also hesitant in that I like my martinis to contain at least 99.3% gin. But PAGG martinis, which come in a 1.75-litre box meant to serve 15 perfectly pre-mixed 4 oz. martinis, are blended with 17% alcohol.
The Choco Latte ingredients include water, glucose-fructose, vodka and flavourings, while the electric blue Tropical Passion Fruit includes the first three ingredients, plus many more, including gum Arabic and glycerol ester of wood rosin, which I will not be telling my guests about.
Today is my friend Miriam’s birthday and it’s a gloriously sticky evening, so I’ve invited the gang over for celebratory pre-dinner drinks. Boxed martinis, to be exact. Only, they don’t know what they’re drinking because I’ve prepoured the martinis and have socked away the boxes. Let’s listen in, shall we? The Tropical Passion Fruit Charlyn: Ooh, I’m going to get trashed on these. Josette: Delicious. Did you make it? I would drink one, but not more than one because it’s so sweet it would give me a headache. Devin: Quite tasty. Deborah: I think it’s overly sweet. The Choco Latte Pam: Mmm, this tastes like a Black Russian. Jonathan: This is good. Miriam: It’s delicious. Like crème brûlée. Deborah: The chocolate is legit. Drew: Caramelly. Delicious. The response And then I bring out the boxes. Mouths gape. Some were shocked and more than a little appalled. Josette: “I thought maybe it was a Smirnoff cocktail from a bottle, a little too well blended. I wouldn’t buy it knowing it comes in a box. To me that says lesser quality.” Others thought the boxes were a cool idea: Charlyn: “I would buy it. It’s not a lot of fuss, and I hate fuss.” Drew: “I’d serve them if I didn’t already know how to mix a martini.” Devin: “Why is it OK to put martinis in a box but we won’t drink wine in a box? I like the idea. And now I guess it’s OK for me to buy wine in a box again.” Bottom line Surprisingly tasty, easy to pour, foolproof cocktails. These boxed martinis are like the adult equivalent of juice boxes — sweet, cool and portable in a pinch. Think canoe trips, office Christmas parties, dorm room soirées.
They may not exactly be my cuppa ( too sweet, mama needs more booze), but as birthday girl Miriam doublefists a Choco Latte and a Passion Fruit, she concludes: “I would definitely serve the boxed martinis. However, I wouldn’t keep them in the box, I would put them in a martini shaker and pass them off as my own. Is it because I’m embarrassed?”
Party A Go-Go retails for $31.95.
Weekend Post